"IT'S NOT MY FAULT"

ACCEPTING fault is one of the most difficult tasks we as human beings face no matter how big or small the act.  Most of us in our society do not want to shoulder this responsibility for it is easier to say, ”It’s not my fault” that this has happened to me or it’s not my fault this happened to you.   That way the accountability always lies elsewhere.

FAULT is defined as a character weakness. It is something that impairs or detracts from physical perfection and it is labeled a defect.  It is this that makes us shy away from accepting our faults.  We feel it diminishes us and makes us smaller that we want to be and shows us in a light that we cannot face. However, we can overcome this human element simply by seeing it head on and dealing with it for with fault comes responsibility.  If we do something not in keeping with our faith, it becomes our duty to own up to our shortcomings and not pass them on to others.  It is still our obligation to do something about it if possible for we want our future unfettered by past “faults”.

INTERESTINGLY one of the easiest things to receive is an apology from others but one of the most difficult things to give.  Because pride plays an integral part we feel that it somehow takes something vital away from us.  Perhaps we feel the value we have placed in ourselves will be lessened or maybe it is our insecurities that prevent us from admitting that something is our fault.  Whatever it is that keeps us from saying those magic words “I’m at fault, I am to blame”, it is strong enough to make us “dig our heels in” and refuse to admit it.  If we can acknowledge that we have made a mistake in judgment we can make it right by asking for forgiveness.  We can then proceed with a clear conscience.  If we cannot do this we remain in a state of immoral, egotistical behavior that continues to be a pattern for our lives.

AS a child I remember running through the house blindfolded with my other siblings and having a grand time feeling our way through the rooms with outstretched arms.  Of course our parents were not home to witness this aberration.  The things we bumped into caused us great hilarity until one such day two of us bumped into something valuable and very breakable that we were never allowed to touch.  After snatching off our blindfolds my sister and I stood staring at the shards of glass on the floor with our hands over our mouths in horror and then the accusations started.  “It was your fault”, I cried.  You pushed me.  “No” she screamed, “it was not my fault, it was yours!”  And so, it went until in angry silence we tried in vain to glue the pieces together, hoping our parents would not notice.  And all along neither of us was willing to share or take the blame.  Of course, it was more than confessing to breaking something our parents loved, it was the punishment we knew would be meted out.

EARLY in childhood we learn not to accept the blame of wrongdoing.  This stays with us into adulthood where we continue to shift it onto someone else.   In Genesis 3:11 God asked Adam: "Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat"?  But Adam would not admit he broke God’s law but immediately pointed to his wife to blame her for giving him the forbidden fruit.  He also slyly laid responsibility on God for putting Eve in his life. He makes this clear when he says "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree and I ate”.   It’s her fault.    And God speaking to Eve said “What have you done”? She looks at the serpent saying “it is not my fault.  The serpent deceived me and I ate.” And so, it seems that placing the blame on others has always been our escape for not accepting the wrong that rightfully belongs to us.

SOME of us have carried blame to the church as an excuse not to attend.  Given the current wave of clerical abuse many of us forget the faith we are supposed to have in God and use the excuse of what our leaders might be guilty of doing.  Because of the wrongdoing of some clergy, we may feel entitled to say “I don’t want to be part of the Catholic Church.  I am getting out.   This is the fault of the leaders”.    With this indignation, leaving the church sadly means leaving our faith behind.

IT is amazing how often during a single week, we hear "It's not my fault, it's not my responsibility".   But I am solely responsible for how I handle the things life brings.   If someone throws me a curve, I must circumvent that curve by not letting it shape my future.  Instead of making things right or accepting blame, we may prefer to sacrifice even a friendship through stubbornness.  Somehow this seems to make us feel more righteous because we are not admitting our shortcomings. We do not face them so we take the easy way out sometimes at a big cost to ourselves.  It is my fault if I allow someone else to plot the course of my existence in ordinary life.  If I live in a free society, I must make my life work without the encumbrances of what others have done to me.  Saying that it is not my fault does not give me more control of my life.  I am then allowing others to gain that control.  If I become a victim by saying I do not deserve what life meted out, or if I suffer health problems, I need to re-evaluate my options, take the reins and keep on going with the help God give me through His grace.  This is my life and no one else can live that life for me.

GOD has made provisions for every encounter we will face in this life.   The greatest provision is that He is always there to touch you heart with wisdom and stalwart courage and strength.  In spite of whatever someone has done to us, we do not allow it to pulverize our lives but to walk around the “It’s not my Fault” issue and regulate our lives with God at its helm.  If we believe in Him and are in a relationship with Him, we will discern the things about our relationship with others and learn to distinguish the difference of our own actions versus those done against us.

DO not allow yourselves to become self-indulgent.  This will lead to believing we are perfect individuals with the fault always belonging to others.  Break through this indulgence.  Know that God is the only assessor of who and what you are.  Develop a caring Christian attitude always.  If you are wrong, acknowledge it.  You will be an example that the Lord wants you to be.

HOW does this play out in my Christian faith?  By being honest and forthcoming in interactions with others, listening with sensitivity to what is said helps us to grow and will serve as a pathway to where God wants us to be.  It is in taking accountability for what I do in my everyday life that parallels accountability in seeking eternal life.  I must believe with all my heart that when we take the blame for our sins, I can more readily realize the grievousness of offending God.   I admit to myself on the matter of my soul that whatever I do in this life becomes my choice to either live according to God’s law or choosing to go my own way. 

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you

and him alone.  If he hears you, you have gained your brother”.  Matt 18:18

___________________________________________

Please use the link at left top side of this page to leave your comments or to be added to the mailing list.  Thank you and God Bless!