ASK A PRIEST
AUGUST 2009

FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM
FATHER WILLIAM G. MENZEL
FATHER AMARO SAUMELL
CATHOLICVIEW STAFF
 

FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM

“If I marry in the Coptic Orthodox Church, can I
still receive communion at Catholic Mass?” - Mary

 Father Kevin:

I am a practicing Catholic and my boyfriend is a practicing Coptic Orthodox.  Where does the Catholic Church stand on a Catholic marrying in the Orthodox Church?  Would I still be able to receive communion at Catholic Mass? – Mary

Dear Mary:

All the best for your upcoming wedding.  You should be able to go either through your local priest, or your diocesan Chancery Office and obtain a dispensation for you to marry in the Orthodox Church.  In terms of Church law, once you have this dispensation, you are not only free to marry in the Orthodox Church but also of course to continue to receive Communion in the Catholic Church.  In my part of the world, these dispensations are readily obtainable, given sufficient reason, and I can’t see why you could have any difficulty in obtaining one.  All good wishes to you both. -  Father Kevin

”Why doesn’t the Church teach about prophecy?”
- Teresa
 

Father Kevin:

Why doesn't the Catholic Church teach about prophecy?  We know what has already happened in the Old and New Testament.  But what about prophecy?  Shouldn't we know what to expect and how to handle it?  It may not be that far off.  – Teresa



Hi Teresa:

The Church certainly does teach about prophecy, I don’t know where you got the idea that she doesn’t.  It might be helpful however to clarify what we mean by prophecy.  In the deeper Scriptural Tradition, a Prophet is someone who:

-    Reads the signs of the times and makes some sense of them,
-    Forms a vision of what might be possible or what might be coming,
-    And then puts her or his body on the line and gives him or herself
      to the coming of the vision.

As well as the classic prophets in the Scriptural stories, we could put Mary in this role. She heard what was going on in her world, she formed the ultimate vision – the Word of God made Flesh, and then committed her whole self to the coming of that Vision.

A Prophet is not some kind of fortune-teller, but rather someone who points out to us the way forward according to God’s purposes.  We not only teach about prophecy, but in the Church we give birth to them quite often.  Often enough they are not popular, for example El Salvador’s Archbishop Oscar Romero, who was killed because of the prophetic stance he took.  If you look
around and listen, you will find the voice of the prophet alive and well in the Church and among the Churches.  All good wishes.  - Father Kevin

 


FATHER WILLIAM G. MENZEL

“Should a Catholic realtor solicit business from
divorce clients?” - Bob

Father Bill:

Is it permitted for a Catholic realtor to solicit business from lawyers representing divorce clients who may need a realtor to sell their homes? - Bob

 

Dear Bob:

I know nothing about laws that govern what realtors and lawyers can and cannot do in the circumstances you describe, but if it is legal, then there is no commandment or Church law that would prohibit a realtor from doing what you describe.

Even though the Catholic Church does not permit divorce, it certainly does not wish to deny divorced persons their civil rights.  If they need to sell their homes—and are doing so within the provisions of civil law, they have a right to do so, and a Catholic realtor has the right to seek their business.   As long as everything is being done honestly and legally, the moral status of the seller should rarely, if ever, be an issue for the realtor.

There is just one caveat that I would add.   Someone going through a divorce is probably under a lot of pressure and could be in a hurry to sell.  A Catholic realtor would not take advantage of that vulnerability by using pressure tactics or by quoting a price that does not reflect fair value.   God bless you, Bob.  - Father Bill

 


“How do I tell my divorced husband he is not
the father of my son?”  - Alma

 Father Bill:

27 years ago I had an affair and had a son and it’s not my husband’s.   Now the biological father wants to meet my son, but I don't know how to tell my husband whom I divorced.  How do I tell him?   I've confessed and repented of my sin and I want to come clean with both.  - Alma

 

Dear Alma,

Although I could be wrong, I’m going to have to guess from the way your question is worded that your ex-husband believes that your son is also his son.  I’m also assuming, of course, that the affair took place while you were married to your husband.

When you say, “…I want to come clean with both,” does that mean both your ex-husband and your son?  Without knowing otherwise, I would have to assume that is what you mean.  If my assumptions are correct, then you obviously find yourself in a very difficult dilemma.  I do not see any easy way to resolve it.

I would suggest that you start with a prayer to the Holy Spirit.  Pray especially for the gifts of wisdom, understanding, counsel (right judgment) and fortitude; I think you will need all of these as you bring your son and ex-husband to an awareness of the truth.  It will be especially important that you be understanding of their reaction.  If my assumptions are correct in the first two paragraphs, then the truth is going to be quite a shock to these two men.

Not knowing the people involved, it’s impossible for me to tell you how I think you should proceed. All I know is that you have to tell them the truth.  You can’t change the past, so you need to be humble and apologetic for allowing this deception to go on for so long.  Then you will have to accept their reaction, whatever it might be.  Perhaps they’ve had their suspicions and will be relieved by the truth.  More likely, though, they will be angry.  This is not likely to be an emotion-free occasion, so be ready.  Pray hard before you break the news.

As far as any meeting between your son and his biological father is concerned, that is out of your hands.  Your son is an adult.   It will be his decision as to whether he wants that meeting or not.  You must make this clear to the biological father.  After all, he didn’t raise his son; someone else did.

As I already mentioned, Alma, you can’t change the past.  None of us can.  You have sought the forgiveness of God and the Church.  Now you must seek the forgiveness of your ex-husband and your son.   This may not be easy for them to do.  Please pray about it, and pray for them.   I ask all the readers of this column to say a prayer for you and the three men involved.  May the Holy Spirit guide you.  - Father Bill

 


“I suffer from panic attacks.  Could you give me some suggestions
on strengthening my faith?” - Irina

Father Bill:

I am suffering from a panic attacks disorder. At the moment of the attack, or just at the time of intense fear or anxiety, my doctor says the only thing I have to do is to trust God and to let it flow. It is the most difficult for me. Despite I participate in the Mass and read daily prayers and the Rosary, my faith is not so strong... Could you please make some suggestions how to strengthen my faith and trust in God?     - Irina

 

Dear Irina,

I have to be honest with you. To my knowledge, I have never experienced a panic attack. I have no idea what it’s like. I have read a little bit about the matter, and from what I have read, I can only say that it must be very frightening. I think it’s wonderful that you have a doctor who recognizes the importance of God in the lives of his/her patients. Not all doctors do. I think your doctor’s advice is wise.

People in the so-called twelve-step programs, like Alcoholics Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous, have a phrase they often use.  For some, it’s almost a mantra: Let go and let God. It’s a rather catchy phrase, and in so many circumstances of life, it’s also very wise.  However, like so many wise sayings, it is a lot easier said than done.  Still, it’s well worth latching onto, and I would certainly suggest that you repeat it as part of your daily prayer routine.

What does it mean? It means that in our attempts to control everything about our lives, sometimes we develop blinders.  We focus on the problem or problems of the moment so tenaciously that we lose sight of the bigger picture, and also forget that there are some things that we can’t—or shouldn’t try to—control.  “Let go and let God” serves as a reminder to loosen our grip on the immediate moment and put the things we can’t control into God’s hands.  Your panic attacks are apparently examples of something you can’t control.

Now to your question:  How do you strengthen your faith and trust in God? Obviously, if you’re going to “let go and let God”, your faith and trust have to be up to the task.  Actually, you already are doing the right things, and I think your faith is up to the task.  You are “practicing” your faith by participating in the Liturgy, daily prayer, and the rosary.

I hope that in the course of your prayers you are not being shy about talking to God and the Blessed Mother about some of your fears and anxieties.  Tell them what you’re feeling.  Tell them about your anxiety and fear. You can even do it right in the middle of one of those attacks.  Tell them what you’re afraid of.   Spell it out and spill it out.  Then imagine them right there with you, telling you to let go of it and give it to Jesus, their Son.   If you are able to, try doing that.

Let me conclude with some reassurance for you.   The fact that you suffer from panic attacks does not mean that your faith is weak or that you don’t have enough trust in God.  If the suggestions I’ve made here don’t help you at all, it should not lead you to conclude that your faith is inadequate. Even the greatest saints were occasionally overwhelmed by feelings of fear and helplessness.  They are saints because they did not let that stop them from loving God and letting God love them.  You can do that, too.   - Father Bill

 


FATHER AMARO SAUMELL


"Does Luke 12:59 refer to purgatory when it
states, Until the last cent is paid?" - Tom

Father Amaro:

Catholics believe in Purgatory.  Is that based on when Jesus spoke of a person going to prison and staying there "Until the last cent is paid?" – Tom

Dear Tom:

That is one excellent example of restitution and completion of conversion.   Because we are imperfect, our contrition for sins may be imperfect. This can be for many reasons, one of which may be pride.  We are purged of all the cosmetic parts we have added to who we are.  As those are stripped away, it is often our pride that makes us want to hold on to what we think we’ve accomplished.

The superficial is not necessary or accepted in God’s presence.  A good example of this may be the recovering alcoholic that has to proclaim such in public places in order to be applauded.  God never called Him to participate with his alcoholic tendencies in the first place. And his recovery is by God’s grace, not his own.  He might have repented of the alcohol, but not his pride.

There are many such references for the necessity of God’s grace in death.   It was common practice for the Jews in the Macchabean times to pray and make offering for the dead.  They had the notion that at our death we often have not been perfected, but were not worthy of eternal damnation either.  Only perfection can be in the presence of God.  Purgatory, while painful in the figurative sense, is that grace and purification that completes our readiness for God’s presence.  Hope this helps.  God bless, Father Amaro

 


“I resent going to my husband’s Methodist Sunday
service.  What should I do?” Mary

Father Amaro:

My family is split on church, my husband attends Methodist church and we've been attending with him because he doesn't like Catholic mass, although kids were baptized Catholic. After 2 yrs of this, I resent it now. One kid doesn't want to go to Catholic mass ever and never did and one does. I don't want the family to be split down the middle but I resent giving up my religion and not raising both my kids Catholic, besides the issue of only having one car to attend mass. - Mary

Dear Mary:

This is one of the reasons the Church does not encourage interfaith marriages. It can be confusing for children. But at the time of your marriage, you signed a document stating that you would bring your children up in the Catholic faith and teach them to respect the faith of your spouse.

There is nothing wrong with your attending with your husband. But it is no substitute for your own responsibility to live your faith and your promises before God and the Church.

Your husband fell in love for you because of who you are... and you are Catholic. It’s part of your being. He saw you sign that document. And, in his respect for you to follow through completely as who you are, it’s your duty to remind him of those responsibilities. It has never been a negotiating factor. Otherwise, you are not being "you" in the marriage. One doesn’t marry someone to change that other person.

Make a visit to your pastor. And, also remember the instruction that your namesake said in terms of listening to the Lord, "Do whatever he tells you to do." You know that God intends your children to have the graces of the Sacraments. To live other than a Catholic, is to be less than you are. So, the things at stake here are your integrity as a person and the faith of your children. You are not the "little woman" in the marriage. You are woman of sacramental presence.  God bless, Father Amaro

 


“Is it okay to adopt through an agency that allows
homosexuals to adopt?” - Jeff

Father:

My wife and I have applied to become adoptive parents. Attendance of four 2.25 hour support group sessions is required. We plan to attend the nearest group in our state but just found out that a gay male couple that we saw at Orientation will also be attending that group. How should we best act in this situation to be true to our Catholic faith? (e.g., attend a different group with no homosexual couples, even if 2 hours away; or not deal with this adoption agency at all, since they allow placement of children with homosexual couples). - Jeff

Dear Jeff:

What a wonderful calling to be a parent. The object of your endeavor is to provide home and family to one of these little ones. Yours is to remain focused on the need of the child, not of the objection of others whom have applied for parental rights.

Who would lose out if you change agencies. It could be the child that God intended for you to care for. Again, keep focused on the real reason you are there. And love that child for all he or she is worth before God. Right now you are rescuing a child.

And may God richly bless you in this endeavor as well as the birth mother who did not abort it, but is loving it into your care.  God bless, Father Amaro

 


CATHOLICVIEW STAFF

I have committed sexual sin over and over again after confessing
the sin.  Do I need to go each time? - Peter

CatholicView Staff:

I committed the sin of flesh (not married) and went to confession, but committed the sin again, do I have to go back to the priest for confession again?  The sin is something that I'm battling with, but the priests aren't saying anything helpful.  Trying to look at my responsibilities and correcting them is more helpful.  Thanks for your time. – Peter

 

Dear Peter:

I am sorry you are struggling with your sexual impulses.  If a person goes to confession, he or she promises never to commit that particularly sin again.  It is a promise that one makes to God.  When that vow to God has been broken, you are in need of forgiveness yet again and must confess those sins all over again.

Please pray that the Lord will strengthen your resolve not to commit sexual sin or to break the promises you make to God.  Talk to your priest and make note of what you can do to avoid sin and the occasion of it such as avoiding situations that will lead to sinful behavior.  Walk away when tempted and know that if you find yourself falling into sin, the Holy Spirit will warn you away if you listen with your heart.  God go with you.  – CatholicView Staff

 


“We are an older couple and my wife has problems with intimacy. 
Is masturbation an alternative?” - David

CatholicView Staff:

My wife and I are in our mid 60's. Obviously no children can be produced from the act of sex.  My wife is finishing up a very difficult menopause and for the last few years intercourse is extremely painful for her.  The doctors have not been able to do anything to correct this situation.  We both enjoy sex but intercourse is not possible.  Is masturbation an alternative for us?  Our Catholic upbringing makes this question a very difficult one for us.   Thank you. – David

 

 David:

I am so happy to hear that you are enjoying your marriage and I am grateful for your love and commitment to each other.  You are certainly blest by God!  In the study of moral theology and Christian sexuality, the sexual union within the sacrament of marriage has two ends or goals, (1) unitive, and (2) procreative.  The unitive end means that a man and a woman, two people, become one flesh and fulfill the call to be the life partner for each other in all areas of intimacy.  The procreative end acknowledges the creative power of human love through the birth of children.  There are many in our Church that focus solely on the procreative end of the sexual union and do not even acknowledge the unitive aspect of human sexuality (the unitive and procreative ends of human sexuality are equal in moral value).  By excluding the discussion of the unitive end of human sexuality, these misguided people see sin in everything that is sexual.  Human sexuality is a gift from God and therefore is good.  For you, you have been open to life and you have given birth to children and have fulfilled the procreative end of your sexual intimacy.  It seems that it is time for you both to celebrate the unitive end of your intimacy.  This can be done in many ways, and sexual intimacy is one of those ways.  You asked if masturbation is an option.  Masturbation (a solitary and narcissistic action) is not an option if it is practiced simply to fulfill your own sexual needs to the exclusion of the other.  But experimenting with other ways of sexual intimacy between married couples is moral if it meant to fulfill the other as well as you.  So, be at peace.  I encourage you to grow and appreciate the gift of the unitive aspect of human sexuality.  May your love grow and mature so that your marriage can truly be the symbol of Christ's love for His Church.  - CatholicView Staff     

 

 


“Does “Soul Travel” really exist?” - Nancy

CatholicView Staff:

I was raised Catholic so I have a good foundation. My question is...I have seen in a local paper an advertisement for learning how to "soul travel". I do not believe this is a teaching of GOD. If this is some kind of practice that allows a person to leave his body and go places, how then would a GOD believing person protect themselves and their homes from someone who might want to "visit"? - Nancy

 

Hello Nancy:

Thank you for your question.  You are right.  “Soul Travel” is not a teaching from God.  No one has access to your soul but God, the Father and Jesus Christ, the Son.    Not even the angels have access to it.  And certainly not Satan.  This is why Satan roams the earth trying to steal your soul but cannot unless you decide to allow it.    So do not worry.  Your soul is safe unless you, with free will, decide to turn your back on God and allow evil to take over your life. 

Perhaps the ad does not apply to the infinite soul but to something else?  

Pray and ask the Lord to keep you safe from all the evils of this world.  Remember, no one can offer a Christian “Soul Travel” and no one can take what God has given to you as a believer in Jesus Christ.  NO ONE.  Peace to you. - CatholicView Staff

 

 


“I think my friend might be possessed.  What should I do?” - Ryan

CatholicView Staff:

I think my friend might be possessed. She’s been texting her friends things about death when she’s sleeping.  She's sleepwalked to about everyplace in her house. She told me that she once woke up in her mother's bedroom door with a butcher’s knife. She has told me she sometimes sees things and hears things. She told me she’s woke up on top of her cat and she's woke up with her fingers in the cage of her sugar glider. She’s atheist so I don’t know if she will go talk to a priest like I want her to. What should I do? - Ryan

 

Dear Ryan:

I commend you for wanting to help your friend.  It sounds like she needs professional help.  Because this is a serious condition, it should be addressed immediately before your friend succeeds in hurting someone. 

Please talk to your friend’s mother so she is warned about the seriousness of her daughter's health.  See if she can take control of this situation by not only speaking to her daughter but also setting up an appointment with a trained professional.  If she will not, try talking to other family members before it is too late and someone gets hurt or even killed.  If you cannot solicit help from the family, contact your priest yourself to see if he can recommend someone. 

In the meantime, please continue to pray and ask the Lord to intervene in this situation.   You are a good and faithful friend.  Do not delay but get try to get help for her immediately.  We will hold your friend in prayer.  - CatholicView Staff

 


“I was ‘informed’ the Church excommunicated us because my children
attended public schools.  Can that happen?” - Sandy

CatholicView Staff:

Our children attended Catholic School up until 3 years ago.  We moved to a remote area and sent them to public school.  We were told that they as Catholics could not attend, they had 2 months of school left so we left them in.  Now we hear that we are excommunicated, but no one ever told us we were, so are we?  Can that happen? –  Sandy

Sandy:

I do not know who told you that Catholic children are required by our faith to attend Catholic schools.  This is NOT TRUE.  I am a product of public high school, and I became a priest.  My influences for my vocation came from my parents and my parish members who encouraged me in every way to be a priest.   It did not come from a Catholic school education.  Some of my fellow priests are also products of the public school system in the United States.  Even though there were Catholic schools around me, enrollment in such schools were limited and required tuition which my parents could not afford with their large family.  So, we went to public schools and attended religious education classes (some called it catechism).  My parents did not commit any sin by not sending my brothers and sisters to public schools.  But through their Christian example and the faith of my catechism teachers, I found my vocation as a priest.  My fellow friends who did go to Catholic schools did not become members of the clergy or religious life.  Besides myself, there was a classmate at my public high school that became a nun (woman religious).   She is quite the leader in her religious community.  So, to answer your questions, you are not excommunicated.  Excommunication is reserved for those who commit public sin against the Church.  You did not do that because there is no sin in sending your children to a public school.  Let me be very clear:  you did not sin by sending your children to public schools.  There is no Catholic canonical (legal) requirement to send your children to Catholic schools.  But there is a canonical (legal) requirement to make sure that your children are brought up in the faith and complete their sacraments of initiation, which are Baptism, Holy Communion, and Confirmation.  Maybe that is where the confusion in some people's minds comes from?   Parents are required to give their children a Catholic education, but that can happen in a Catholic school or can happen in the local parish's religious education program (known as catechism or C.C.D. for the Confraternity of Christian Doctrine).   Be at peace.  I know you are great Catholic parents and your children are blest to have you as their parents!  God bless and I am grateful for you!  - CatholicView Staff

 

 


“I suffer from scrupulosity and my priest told me wearing makeup
is a sin.  What should I do?” - Jennifer

CatholicView Staff:

I suffer from scrupulosity, and if I miss my weekly confession I fall into depression.  I know obedience is necessary but I think that my confessor might be even more scrupulous than me. For example, he told me that wearing any makeup is a sin. Is this true? What should I do?  - Jennifer

 

Jennifer:

I am sorry that you are struggling with feeling of scrupulosity.  According to Wikipedia, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrupulosity ) in Catholicism scrupulosity in itself is not considered to be sinful and some well-known saints, including Ignatius Loyola and Alphonsous struggled with this.

Your priest is wrong on this issue of makeup.  It is not a sin.  One is entitled to make oneself attractive and presentable to others.  If the motive is to use makeup as a means to sinful actions, then one must tone this down.  There is nothing wrong nor is it sinful to wear makeup.  If it becomes a serious vanity issue, then one must look more closely and correct it.  Be at peace.  God made you and He knows your heart.  – CatholicView Staff


“Did I commit an unforgivable sin by worshipping Wicca?”
- Dwayne

CatholicView Staff

When I was in my 20s I became disillusioned with the church and decided to follow another faith, Wicca. I was later convinced by my mother to come back to the Catholic faith. I confessed my sins to a priest. But I wonder, did I commit an unforgivable sin by worshiping another? - Dwayne

 

Dear Wayne:

As you know, the Catholic Church forbids Wicca because it is in direct violation of the first commandment “Thou shall have no other Gods before me.”  Deuteronomy 18:10-12, reads in part: "….Let there not be found among you a fortune-teller, soothsayer, charmer, diviner or caster of spells, nor one who consults ghosts and spirits or seeks oracles from the dead. Anyone who does such things is an abomination to the Lord”

Because of the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross, He saw your sin and all the sins of us even then, and He paid the price of forgiveness for those who ask for it.  Because you have asked for and received it, your sins have been erased.  YOU ARE FORGIVEN.   It is time to move forward now, knowing that your loving God read your heart and has accepted you back into the family.  Continue on in faith, serving God and spreading the good word of salvation, knowing that only through Jesus Christ you can enter into God’s eternal kingdom. – CatholicView Staff

 


“I am just discovering God for the first time but I have questions. 
Would I be welcome in the Church?” - Anne

CatholicView Staff:

I am 28 years old and just discovering God for the first time.  I respect and feel that I belong with the Catholic Church.  I have a lot of unanswered questions but the main one is this.  My partner and I have a 3 year old son and we are not married.   My partner does not believe in God and is not open to discussion about it.  I have just started to read the bible and I do believe.  What should I do?  I Love my partner but I don't think he'll ever believe.  Would I even be welcome in the Church living the way I do?  - Anne

 

Dear Anne:

You cannot force your life partner to convert to the faith.  You cannot even use logical arguments to make your partner change his mind.  But there is one thing you can do to plant the seed of faith in the heart of your partner.  That is to live your faith in Jesus Christ to the full.   Be a true disciple of Jesus Christ.  Study and read the Word of God and do some research on the teachings of the Church throughout the past two thousand years.  The ultimate challenge is to be a true Christian when things become tense in the bad times in any relationship.   But the Lord is calling you to be His presence within your family.  In time, your partner will get the idea that faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior is the thing to do!  So, be at peace and just live your faith.  There is no need to talk and nag your partner with words.  Instead, let him see your faith in your life actions.  Now, as to something you asked, "Would I even be welcome in the Church living the way I do?"  The Church asks that you get married to your partner if that is something you both want to do.  But living together without the benefit of the sacrament of marriage is not an acceptable way of life for a Catholic.   Participation in the sacramental life of the Church is limited because of your status as living together without the sacrament of marriage.  But nonetheless, only you and your partner can make that decision to make a life-long commitment of marriage.   You will always be welcome in the Catholic Church and so is the father of your child.  As you grow in your faith, you will realize that the sacrament of marriage is an important and necessary part of your spiritual maturity. – CatholicView Staff

 

 


“My husband and I were both married before but want to get our
marriage blessed.  How do I do this?” - Denise

CatholicView Staff

I am Catholic and my husband is not.   We both have been married before (neither in a Catholic church).  He has not been baptized.  I want to get our marriage blessed in the Catholic Church.  How do I do this?  Please help me with this question. - Denise

 

Denise:

Certainly, you can have your marriage blessed.  But you both must speak with a priest and get this properly sorted out.  The priest will want to ask questions about both of your previous marriages to decide if you need annulments. 

 

Please see a priest to discuss this issue.  God go with you as you seek to reconcile with the Church and have your marriage blessed.  – CatholicView Staff

 


“I am 24 years old.  My loved one passed away and I am
grieving.  How can I love again?” - Bren 

CatholicView Staff:

I am only 24 years old and the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, my soul-mate, has passed away. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.  I want to have a family. But I cannot fathom the idea of loving anyone else.   My heart, soul, and body belong forever to the one man I can no longer be with.  We were not yet married, and the idea of being with anyone else seems like a betrayal.  I want to be with him in Heaven, not anyone else.  How do I reconcile my desire for a family and my wish to remain faithful to the man I loved?  Is it okay to get married someday when I know I will never love anyone as much as I loved him? - Bren

 

Dear Bren:

I am so sorry that you have lost the man you love.  You do not say when your loved one passed away.

None of us know what God has planned in the future for us.  And you must remember that your loved one would not want you to grieve and waste the life God has given to you by sadness.  Right now you are going through the terrible time of grieving.  Give yourself time to heal.  Pray and ask the Lord to open your heart to whatever new chapter He has in mind for you.   You are young and need this time to put things into prospective.  Also remember that love takes many faces.  You do not know what a new love will bring to you. 

Be assured a new chapter will someday open up for you as God does not want you to spend your life looking back at your sad loss.  He wants you to look ahead at what he has in mind for you in the near future.  Do not hurry at this time or force the issue but pray and ask God to lighten your sorrow.  When the time is right you will know it.  Each love has its own rewards.  Be open to what God puts in your pathway. – CatholicView Staff 

 


“After 30 years, I went to confession.  Were the sins I forgot
to mention forgiven too?” - Leslie

CatholicView Staff:

Three years ago I returned to the Church after being away for over 30 years. I made a huge confession and have been growing in my faith. A few months ago, I read a booklet on how to make a good confession. I realized that I left out MANY mortal sins. I went to confession and the priest asked me if I was sorry for ALL my sins of the past. Of course I was/am. I asked him if I needed to say each one verbally and he said no, we'd be here for hours. I feel bad questioning the mercy of Jesus but I want to be right with God. Were all those sins forgiven?  Thank you, Leslie.

Dear Leslie:

You asked God to forgive all your sins.  You are a human being and many sins you have forgotten.  If you left out any sins that you forgot, God understands your humanity.  If you avoid listing some sins, then you need to get forgiveness. 

God knows your heart.  Rely on His goodness.  Remember that your sins were paid for over two thousand years ago.  Jesus holds His forgiveness in His hands and He waited for you to take it.   You took that forgiveness.  Keep praying and move forward now, knowing that you are a new person in Christ Jesus.  Go in peace. – CatholicView Staff

 

 


“Once I am engaged, can I live with my boyfriend?” - Jay

CatholicView Staff:

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for over five months now and we are considering getting engaged and then marriage.  The question I have is, is it wrong for me to want to move in with him once I am engaged?   I would want to have my own room and everything and I would wait for marriage before having sex with him but I was just wondering what are the Church’s views on having two people living together before marriage.   I think the main reason I want to move in with him is so I can be closer to him.

 

Jay:

Not a good idea.   The Church does not condone such behavior.   I refer you to a letter written by the Bishops of Pennsylvania:: 

A Letter to Engaged Couples from the Bishops of Pennsylvania

Dear Engaged Couple,

We congratulate you on your engagement and want to offer a word of encouragement to you during this special period of preparation for marriage.

While there are many issues, which you will discuss over the course of your preparation period, one important area in which many priests and couples have shared their concerns with us is that of engaged couples living together before marriage. While many in our society may see no problem with this arrangement, living together and having sexual relations before marriage can never be reconciled with what God expects of us.

In addition, countless studies have shown that couples that live together before marriage have higher rates of divorce and a poorer quality of marital relationship than those who do not.

Your engagement is meant to be a time of grace and growth in preparing for your marriage. In the months ahead, we urge all engaged couples that are living together to separate. All Catholics should seek to be reconciled with God and the Church by going to confession and by going to Mass and Holy Communion regularly.

Living chastely during your remaining months of engagement will teach you many things about one another. It will help you to grow in the virtues of generous love, sacrificial giving, self-restraint and good communication — virtues that are essential for a good and lasting marriage.

We pray that as you seek God and his way more deeply, you will be rewarded with an abundance of his grace. May your love for each other always be strong and life-giving.

With every prayerful best wish, we remain,

Sincerely yours in Christ,

The Bishops of Pennsylvania

Click here to read more in a Question and Answer session:  http://www.ewtn.com/library/BISHOPS/LVNGTGTH.HTM 

Hope this helps you Jay.  – CatholicView Staff 

 

 


“I have a bad anger problem.  How can I conquer it?”
- Andrea

 

CatholicView Staff:

I have a bad anger problem that comes out not in explosiveness but in my private thoughts and words, which can be very disrespectful of God and neighbor. I detest this about myself. I don't feel I can go to Communion until I've conquered it, but I don't feel I can conquer it without going to Communion. Help!

 

Dear Andrea:

I am saddened to hear of your anger problem.  Have you tried to pray about it?  Unfortunately, CatholicView is not a forum for your situation.  I am going to suggest that you can visit this link, which might be of some value to you. http://www.catholic.org/printer_friendly.php?id=2339&section=Featured+Today

“Anger problems often can stifle growth in the life of virtue, preventing the peace that Jesus promises, “so says Ronda Chervin, professor of philosophy at the College of Our Lady of Corpus Christi and author of "Taming the Lion Within: 5 Steps from Anger to Peace"   Ronda Chervin has written a book on this subject.  

I am going to suggest that you not only talk to your priest about this, I think you will need some professional help also. 

You will be in our prayers. – CatholicView Staff

 

 


“What is my choice...being an angry Episcopalian or
a "halfway" Catholic?” – Rick

 

CatholicView Staff:

I am a confused Christian.  As a member of the Episcopal Church, I feel pushed out by recent decisions made by the church at the national level. I would join the Catholic Church, but I don't agree with each and every doctrine. What is my choice...being an angry Episcopalian or a "halfway" Catholic? – Rick

 

Dear Rick:

I think in order to decide where you want to be suggests that you must spend some time praying about your situation.  Only you can decide this issue of where you want to be.  Ask God to speak to your heart.  I think you will know after spending time in prayer.  Remember that the heads of any church has nothing to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ Who ultimately is the way, the truth and the life.  They are human voices who lead the way to Him.  But, as human beings, they are not perfect.

Also, why not go and speak with a priest in your area.  Sit down and discuss what you are feeling.  Often in “letting it out” gives you the perspective you need.  Our prayers are with you.  Don’
“Should I be afraid of 2012?” – Teri

CatholicView Staff:

Should I be afraid of 2012? – Teri

 

Dear Teri:

If we are right with the Lord we do not have to be afraid of dates given by human beings. No man on this earth knows the hour or the day when Christ will return to earth to claim the souls He will take to the Father.  Be prayerful and ready at all times as even the angels and Jesus Christ Himself does not know the hour when He will come.  Only the Father does.  Read Matthew 24:36 “However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. “   Or read Mark 13:32  that reads and tells the same “However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows.”  

We Christians do not give credibility to superstition.

Jesus tells us all  to be ready and be watchful and without sin.  If we sin seek forgiveness as soon as we can. The wonderful thing is that God can read the goodness in our hearts.  We can be at peace by praying and asking the Lord to be with us.  – CatholicView Staff

 

 


“I confessed my sins.  Am I still going to hell?” - Michael        

 

CatholicView Staff:

During my engagement, I was unfaithful to my fiancé.  I have confessed my sins to a priest and have been faithful ever since. Am I going to hell? - Michael

 

Michael:

If you believe that God forgives sins and that Jesus Christ paid with His life to make this possible, accept that you are forgiven and move on.  Trust this with Christian faith.  You have asked God to forgive you by going to confession.  There is NO sin that cannot be forgiven if the person who committed the sin seeks forgiveness.  Once you have done this, you are no longer under the penalty of hell.  Remember your vow to never repeat the sin again and be free.  God has forgiven you; you must accept it with faith.  You will not go to hell if you have repented.  Know that the Lord loves you greatly.  Look ahead to peace. – CatholicView Staff

 

 


“If I masturbate, is that a sin?” - George

CatholicView Staff:

 If I masturbate is that a sin? If so does it need to be confessed in confession? - George

 

Dear George:

Thank you for writing to CatholicView.  Because of the influx of letters concerning this issue, I am referring you to an article CatholicView published on this subject.  Please use this link to the article titled "MASTURBATION" .

May the Lord guide you in this matter. – CatholicView Staff

 

 


“I am Jewish.  Can I convert to Catholicism?” - Keith

CatholicView Staff:

I am Jewish and have had a change in my heart, that would be the believing in Jesus as the Savior.    This brings me to my question: can I convert to become a Catholic? -Keith

 

Dear Keith:

Thank you for your question.  Yes, you can convert to Catholicism.  If you feel that the Lord Jesus has made this change, move forward and follow what God has put within your heart.  All people are welcome to be a part of the Church.

Call a Catholic Church and ask to speak to a priest there about becoming a Catholic.  After speaking with you, the priest will have you attend RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation) classes to acquaint you with the teachings of the Church.   Once this is done, a time will be set for your baptism.  Do not be afraid, for the Church will welcome you within its family of believers. 

CatholicView is happy that you have listened and heeded the call of Jesus Christ, Who came down to earth as the Jewish Messiah over 2,000 years ago for you and for all who accepts His salvation.  

May the Lord be with you as you continue your journey of faith.  - CatholicView Staff

 

 


“I have a serious problem with masturbation and porn.  Help me?”
- Jacob

CatholicView Staff:

I have a very serious problem with masturbation and porn. I'm starting to become better at not looking at porn , but I am still masturbating. I'm very sorry that I'm doing this too . But it's addictive. Help!!!  Jacob

 

Dear Jacob:

Thank you for writing to CatholicView.  Because of the influx of letters concerning this issue, I am referring you to an article CatholicView published.  Please use this link to the article titled "MASTURBATION" .

Try saying a prayer each time you want to engage in masturbation.  You may say a simple prayer such as “Help me, Lord, I don’t want to offend you”.

We will pray that you find the will to avoid these sins and move ahead in your faith.  May the Lord be with you. – CatholicView Staff

 

 


“I am ill and cannot drive to mass.  What can I do to stay in
grace if I cannot go to mass?” - Kate

CatholicView Staff:

I am a 46 yr. old very devout Catholic with a problem.  I recently had heart surgery and am unable to drive. There is no church within walking distance, I live alone with no family near by and no buses run on Sunday, so I have no way of getting to church; this is killing me; I used to attend daily mass.  What do I do to stay in God's graces if I can't get to mass on Sunday?   Kate

 

Dear Kate:

I am sorry to hear of your dilemma concerning attendance at mass.  From your letter it is obvious that you cannot get to church but your desire to go is strong.  God understands this and He knows you want to celebrate each Sunday at Church.  However, He also wants you to take care of yourself and get back on your feet.  You remain in God’s graces even though you cannot get to Mass.  Our God is a good God Who sees all and wants you to heal so that you can return to Church one day.

There is something you might try.  Call your nearby archdiocese and find out if a Minister of the Eucharistic for the sick can bring communion to you at your home.  Be sure to state your health, your lack of being able to drive, and with no nearby transportation.

Celebrate Jesus at home.  Reserve an hour each Sunday and read your bible.   If you can, go online for the Sunday readings.  Make Sunday be a day of special prayer and contemplation.  

Remember that God loves you whether you can get to Church or not. He sees what has happened to you and has brought you through it all.  He will not desert you now in your time of need.

I pray that your body will heal and soon you will be able to attend mass once again.  I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ.  God be with you during this time.  – CatholicView Staff   

 

 


“Isn’t it hypocritical that the Church is always asking for money?”
- Nancy

 

CatholicView Staff:

I get very frustrated with the Catholic Church in regards to them always asking for money!  I don't recall Jesus begging for money to pursue His needs or wants?  I feel people would give more if they were not made to feel like dirt by not being able to fill the parish basket each week.  In this weak economy and with so many people out of work can't the Catholic Church be a little sensitive to the financial problems that society is facing now days?  I don't see any priest forgoing their yearly vacations as many families had to do this year!  Please explain why a dollar sign must be attached to everything that Catholic religion stands for, and yet they tell us not to get hooked on the material things in life.  A little hypocritical don't you think? - Nancy

 

Nancy:

It is only through the generous offerings in Church that we can enjoy all the beautiful offerings in God’s house, which is the Church.  Someone has to pay for the communion wafers, the wine, upkeep of the Church, pay for the priests, pay for the electricity, the gas, and all utilities that we all enjoy, just to name a few.  To point out that the vacations that the priest enjoys is something that they are entitled to.  Have you ever thought how many times a priest is called through the night when someone is dying or in danger of dying?  Have you thought of all the times a priest is called to visit the sick and offer encouragement?

Jesus Christ asked us to give a portion of our money to the Church.  To not do so means going against what He taught.  Jesus asks that we give a portion (10% of total earnings) to continue His work.  To tithe means giving one-tenth of our income belongs to God. 

Remember the poor widow who gave her all in the collection plate? ( Read Mark 12: 41-44)  It is to be given to Him through His church (Leviticus 27:30-31). Some parishioners follow the guidelines given on the back of church envelopes that indicates one should give 5% to the church and 5% to the poor or other charities. Trust God by faithfully giving this amount of your income as suggested, weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly. This communicates your commitment and your love for Him.   When we give it is our participation in the work of Jesus.  When we give to the Lord we can see that our giving is a ministry for the continuance of our faith in God as well as furthering the work of gaining new souls for Christ. 

By our tithes we are showing our thanks to God for all that He has given to us.  This sets an example for others.  From His “whole loaf” of blessings He gives to us, we are simply breaking off ten percent of that loaf and giving it back in support and continuance of the work of the Lord.  "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you" (Luke 6:38). "Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap bountifully. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver" (II Cor. 9:6,7).

Please read the CatholicView article written by publisher Kathy Bernard on tithing and helping the church.    Here is the link:  Tithing  

I hope this helps a bit.  The economy is bad right now but we as Christian Catholics must continue God’s work.  When we give, we give in the hopes that even one soul will benefit.  We give in faith, hoping that our money will go toward continuing the faith.

 


“Is it alright to pray that someone will be relieved
from their suffering?” - Sue

 

CatholicView Staff:

My husband is terminally ill and struggles everyday to eat, speak, move, etc.  Many parts of his body do not work.  He could remain alive a long time ending up confined to bed with no ability to communicate.  I pray to God to deliver him from this illness and let him die, then I feel guilty for doing that.  Is it all right to pray that someone will be relieved from his or her suffering? - Sue

 

Sue:

Thank you for writing to CatholicView with your concerns about your father’s incurable illness, and your desire to pray that the Lord, in His infinite mercy, release him from his bonds of suffering. 

Recently, my own father died after years of battling a disease that had no cure and would cause a slow depletion of his bodily functions.  I saw him turn from a busy, productive and protective man to a man who could not do anything for himself.  He stayed at home with the help of a home hospice program.  Our family did not want him in a nursing home far from those who loved him.  I prayed for his healing. Then I prayed to God to take him in His loving embrace and free him from his suffering.  As I sat with him in the living room, I saw my father's vibrant and strong personality leave bit by bit.  My father's illness was a long, long goodbye.  

God is a merciful God and I did not feel any guilt asking Him to take my father because my father had said to me as he began to lose control of his body, "Son, my bags are packed and I am ready to go home [to heaven]."  So, I did my best in comforting him, supporting my mother in what she needed in regards to caring for my father, and I prayed with him.  He also prayed aloud, "Lord, take me home."  I said, "Amen."   As I ministered to him by giving him communion and the Sacrament of the Sick (Extreme Unction), I knew that his time was coming to an end on earth.  I could see it. 

We all have an "expiration date," our time to leave this earth and enter into our heavenly home, embraced by a loving God who has made us a mansion (dwelling place) there (see the Gospel of John, Chapter 14, Verses 1-6).  For Christians, who believe in the resurrection of the Lord Jesus from the dead, death is not the end, but the beginning of a forever in God, a forever free from tears and sorrow, illness and suffering.  Death at the end of our journey of life here on earth, is not a terrible tragedy, but a liberating of a soul to be free at last! 

Your prayer for your husband is really recognition of your faith in the resurrection of the Lord.  You are praying that your husband, whom you have loved and cared for most of your life, be freed from his suffering and go home with his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and with his family members who have gone before him.   You are asking our heavenly Father to take him to his eternal home where pain and physical ailments no longer exists. 

When my father died, surrounded by his family and friends, he left the bounds of earth into the freedom of heaven where the soul will no longer know limitations.  In that moment, when my father's soul left his home, I knew right then and there that he was being greeted by the angels and saints of heaven who presented him to Jesus!  At that moment, I knew that God heard my prayer for my dad to be free from his suffering, and in mercy He answered that prayer.  I felt no guilt.  I only felt awe and gratitude. 

May my experience of compassion free you from your concerns about guilt and help you focus on the one thing that is really important:  preparing your husband to meet his Lord!   All else is really not important right now.  May the Lord give you the strength of faith to help you hold your husband's hand in his transition to eternal life.  .  As a clarification, your prayer to deliver your husband from his suffering is not seen as somehow abetting his death, but as a prayer of faith in knowing that God will take care of everything.  Be at peace.  Your husband is in the Lord's Hands.  His life always, and yours as well, is in God's Providential Hands.   –  CatholicView Staff

 

 


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