ASK A PRIEST
JULY 2009


FATHER WILLIAM G. MENZEL
FATHER AMARO SAUMELL
CATHOLICVIEW STAFF

FATHER WILLIAM G. MENZEL
“I am Jewish and don’t want my Catholic husband to baptize our
child.  Will the Church do this without my consent?” - Opera 

Father Bill:

I am Jewish and my husband is not.  We are expecting our first child and he is insisting the child be baptized, which I am against and I will not attend.  Will the Church perform the Baptism anyway? – Opera

Dear Opera,

I’m sorry to hear about the conflict between you and your husband. I certainly hope and pray that the two of you will be able to resolve this matter in such a way that your relationship will be strengthened rather than weakened.  Toward that end I will try to help you, but I really wish that I could ask you several important questions. In the absence of your answers to those questions, I will just try to do the best I can.

Before you were married, did you and your husband have any discussions about how the children would be raised? This seems like a really important matter to discuss ahead of time. If you did, what decisions came out of that discussion?

If your husband is Catholic and your marriage was approved by the Catholic Church, your husband would have been required to promise that he would do all that was reasonably possible to see that any children born of your marriage would be baptized and raised as Catholics. Since there is no mention of this in your question, I’m suspecting that either your husband is not Catholic or that your marriage was not Church-approved.

In the absence of a good deal of information that I would really like to have, I would like to make a couple of suggestions. One suggestion is this: if both you and your husband are actively practicing your faith, then I think that you should go together to consult your rabbi and his pastor. This may not solve your dilemma, but it would help each of you to be better informed about the expectations that each religion has regarding the raising of children.

If one of you is actively practicing your faith and the other is not, then I think that the wishes of the one who is actively practicing should be honored.

If neither of you is actively practicing your faith, then I see no sense in having your child baptized. Let the child decide about matters of belief when he or she is mature enough to do so.

In all I have said so far, I really have not answered your question. That question is, "Will the Church baptize your child if you are opposed to it and are not in attendance"?

My best answer is: That depends.

If your husband is Catholic and active in his parish and intends to do his best to raise your child as a Catholic, I think that most pastors would probably go ahead with the baptism. I don’t think that most of us would be happy about the circumstances, though.

If your husband is Catholic and not active in his parish, then I don’t think that most Catholic pastors would baptize your child.

If your husband is not Catholic, then no Catholic pastor would do this baptism. I would suspect that many pastors of other Christian Churches also would refuse to do so. However, I’m sure that there would be some—but probably very few—Christian Churches who would baptize your child.

Again I apologize that I can’t give you a clearer answer. This is about the best I can do with the information available to me.  I hope that you and your husband will both turn to God in prayer, asking Him to help you do what is best for your marriage and for your child. – Father Bill

“How do I end my gay relationship charitably and reconcile
myself to the Church?” - John

Father Bill:

I am a gay man and have been in a relationship with another man for the last three and a half months.   However, I feel I must return to my faith and lead a holy life now.  How do I end this relationship charitably and reconcile myself to the Church? - John

Dear John,

Reconciling yourself to the Church is the easy part of this. One of the primary missions of the Church is to forgive sinners. Once you are able to charitably end your relationship, you can seek God’s forgiveness in the Sacrament of Penance. Since you are truly contrite and have every intention of living a chaste life, going to confession is all you need to do in order to be reconciled with the Church.

Ending your relationship in a charitable way probably will be a bit more challenging. I guess a lot depends on just how deep the relationship is and how understanding your friend will be with regard to your spiritual needs. One thing I’m sure of:  you need to be honest with your friend, and you must address this whole matter with him sooner rather than later. You have made up your mind, and he deserves to know this, even if it will cause him pain initially. It would be most unfair drag the relationship on as if nothing has changed. Just as you want to get on with your life under new and changed circumstances, he also will need to get on with his life.

As you may know, there is a Church-approved organization for persons with homosexual desires. It is called the Courage Apostolate, and they have a website that may help you:  http://couragerc.net/. You may even live in an area where there is a Courage support group of like-minded gay men seeking to be chaste and faithful Catholics. If so, I would suggest you take advantage of that opportunity.

May God bless you and guide you along the steps ahead. – Father Bill

“Is it a mortal sin to be involved in chat rooms
and online affairs?” - John

 Father Bill:

I have been involved in Internet chat rooms and online affairs.  I have contemplated, but never actually cheated on my wife.   If my wife found out she'd be devastated.   I am sorry but I have confessed this sin many times but I fall into the same trap. Is this a mortal sin? -  John

Dear John,

I’m glad you asked. I’m sure that there are many others who are wrestling with the same problem you are. I hope my answer will help you and any others who are struggling with this.

Let me first try to shed some light on your question: Is it a mortal sin to get involved in Internet chat rooms and online affairs?

Let’s begin with a reminder of the three conditions that are necessary for a sin to be mortal:

--Grave matter, meaning that one has done or is contemplating doing something that is seriously evil.

--Full knowledge of the evil of the act.

--Full consent of the will, meaning that you not only had full knowledge of the evil of the act, but that you went ahead and did it anyway, with complete freedom.

Many Internet chat rooms are harmless and morally neutral. It would not be a sin to participate in those. On the other hand, many Internet chat rooms are playgrounds for the devil; in these there is great potential for serious sin. It sounds to me as if you have been involved in one of these. Thus, we have serious matter.

You mention, too, that you have been involved in online affairs. The very fact that you say that if your wife “found out she would be devastated” would indicate to me that you already know that this is “grave matter”. You also say that you “have contemplated, but never actually cheated on” your wife. John, having an online affair, even if you haven’t actually physically entered into an adulterous relationship, is already cheating on your wife. Again, serious matter. (Remember what Jesus says in Matthew 5:27-28: You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery’. But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.)

As far as the other two conditions for mortal sin are concerned, I think that only you can really determine whether you fulfill those conditions. Do you have full knowledge of the evil you are doing? If you didn’t before, your probably do now. Are you able to give full consent of the will? That’s a little harder to answer, since there often are circumstances that get in the way of truly giving full consent.

In all of this, I think I’m telling you something you already know, John. You are involved in some pretty bad stuff. But let’s not end there. For one thing, you are trying to do something about it. You have sought forgiveness in the Sacrament of Penance, but these chat rooms are like quicksand that resist your efforts to fight them. Remember this, though:   the devil only wins when you give up.

Now you need to develop some strategies to break the chat room habit.                            I have some suggestions—

1)       Use the Internet with great discretion. Use it for what you need to use it for, then get away from the computer and do something else.

2)       Tell you wife that you’ve been having some problems using the Internet in a disciplined way. You don’t have to be specific. Tell her you want to enlist her help. Ask her to check your browsing history on a regular basis. Obviously, if you have your browser set to “anonymous”, you’ll need to turn off that feature. (That might be a good thing to do, even if you don’t enlist your wife’s help.)

3)       Accept the fact that what you have been doing is seriously wrong. You are risking your own spiritual welfare and the health of your marriage.

4)       Pray often for help from God. Say a quick prayer every time you sit in front of the computer. Ask God to help you to discipline your fingers on the keyboard and your hand on the mouse.

       5)    Don’t give up! 

Father Bill

FATHER AMARO SAUMELL


"Do I have to confess my adultery to my wife after confession?"
- Cory

Father Amaro:

If I commit adultery do I have to confess it to my spouse even if I have asked for God's forgiveness through the sacrament of confession? - Cory

Dear Cory,

This is a rather complicated question in one sense and not in another sense. The Sacrament Sacrament of Reconciliation is totally confidential. And so the forgiveness that takes place there is complete. However, I believe a good confessor would refer to a competent Family Counselor to help the couple work through these things. If a person were really in earnest about the dysfunction and sin of adultery, I would think that he or she would want total healing. However, the maturity of the other party is at risk here too. That’s where it takes great skill. Most priests, including myself, do not have degrees in this type of counseling. Ours is from the spiritual perspective.  This action has the added element of psychological, emotional, and relational counseling to deal with the "why" of someone committing adultery. A skilled counselor, after working with the person who committed adultery, can help facilitate and mediate the emotions and reactions to the action when the spouse is informed. It’s then that the true healing can take place.  God bless, Father Amaro

"Would the Church condone abortion if the person was raped
or because incest was involved?" - Mary

Father Amaro:

Is there ever a situation where the Church would permit abortion? i.e. Rape, Incest, etc.? - Mary

Dear Mary,

Once a life is conceived and has a human soul placed there by God, there is never a good enough excuse to exterminate it for the convenience of others.

That being said, it is true that immediate help can be given before conception takes place to prevent conception. Since we’ve matured in society and no longer place blame on women in these instances, they are not held as secrets. Women may immediately seek medical help. The conjugal act is supposed to consist of unitive and procreative elements. When rape of incest occurs, the unitive element is absent. So, it is possible to prevent the conception. But it is never acceptable to exterminate a life once it exists.  God bless, Father Amaro

 

Are less people going to confession now?" - Steve

Father Amaro:

Is it possible Catholics are going to confession less now than in the past?  I noted that most churches only offer confession one day per week, yet mass is said daily. Could face-to-face requirement be a deterrent? - Steve

Dear Steve,

It’s nice to see you here! (Yes, I know Steve.)

Although I hear that the confession lines are getting shorter, it has not been my experience as of late.   I actually have a hard time fitting them all in. In fact, in our diocese, we’ve been examining how to facilitate the confessions with the smaller number of priests.

I think that people are starting to come to terms with holiness again. Purification of the soul and spirit rather than entertainment and what I call "Catholic Group Therapy" is no declining.  We’ve had many different experimental approaches since Vatican II. Some have worked. Others have not. Now, people are starting to "get it."   We cannot rationalize sin. Too often, because of an awareness of scrupulosity, a newer concept, priests have downplayed certain sins during this time.   Occasionally, when a discovery or concept such as scrupulosity occurs, it is applied over-zealously. I think we’ve gotten past that now.

Another reason that I do not believe the idea of a decline in confessions is true is that many priests are more open to office confessions when one is looking for additional counseling or spiritual direction.   I keep a stole in my office at all times. People often want to come to the sacrament without holding a line up at the scheduled time in order to talk things out. This is very much appreciated by the priest who wants to give quality time to all who want the sacrament.   If you added the people who come to an office for confession to those in line at the scheduled time, the numbers are much higher.

Steve, I think we’re now coming to terms with a more mature Catholicism. People are much more aware of their faith and have many resources for information. They are not afraid to confront priests who may be compromising the faith for whatever reason. I actually encourage correction by my parishioners. (But they’d better know what they’re talking about. LOL) I forget things too. I’m human.  And, contrary to what some might think, there are some very well informed lay people out there who help preserve the integrity of the faith..

An unusual element that I’ve added to parish life is also that I have told my parishioners that they can ask me at any time when the last time I went to confession was.  Shocking?  Well, I need to use the sacrament too.   I need salvation also.  How can I teach something that I don’t use myself?   That would be hypocritical.

When we receive the Blessed Sacrament of the Altar, we are saying that we believe through moral certitude that we are ready for the Second Coming, that we are in a state of grace. After all, the Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the same as Second Coming, right?  If you find that you have sin that has not been confessed, you can choose to stay in the pew.  If a priest has sin, he must still receive.  This is a terrifying prospect when one examines the admonishment of St. Paul: (1 Corinthians 11:27) "Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord.  A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgment (damnation) on himself.   That is why many among you are ill and infirm, and a considerable number are dying.  If we discerned ourselves, we would not be under judgment; but since we are judged by (the) Lord, we are being disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world."

Pray for people to confess their sins in earnest...that includes priests. - God bless, Father Amaro

CATHOLICVIEW STAFF


“My 90 year old Atheist uncle tried to commit suicide. 
How can I help him?” - Susan

CatholicView Staff:

My 90-year uncle (Atheist) tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide by running his car in the garage.  He has been quite ill and has never turned his life over to the Lord.  My husband and I have talked to him before this incident about Jesus, but he won't believe.  I believe this was Divine intervention.  Do you think I should either try to talk more to him about Jesus or just pray and let God take over?  He doesn't have long as now hospice has come in to the picture. Thank you.- Susan

Dear Susan:

I am so sorry to hear about your uncle trying to commit suicide.  It seems he is emotionally suffering and burdened by heavy sadness.  That is why he tried to take his life.  Maybe he feels that he has nothing more to live for.  Perhaps he is overwhelmed by his age and his health situation.   Without an even small amount of faith in God (in general), hope is unable to give its soothing and energizing boost.  Your uncle needs to recover hope through faith in God, even though he may not want to specifically acknowledge Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.  Continue visiting with him and ask him if he wants a prayer said for him.  If he says, "yes", then take his hand, and quietly pray something like this:  "Lord, give hope to our uncle in his illness and sadness.  Heal him and fill his heart with peace.  Amen."  Then leave it at that.  In time, he will ask you to pray for him and you can add more to your petition prayer.   Even in this end transition for your uncle, pushing Jesus down his throat won't open him up to the wonders of God's love and the strength that comes from hope.  So, one step at a time.  Simple prayer first.  Later, I am sure of it, he will ask for a priest or minister to prepare him for the transition to God's infinite Presence. - CatholicView Staff

 

“How sinful is it to watch pornography?”  Joseph

CatholicView Staff:

In a previous issue of “Ask a Priest, someone asked, "How sinful is pornography?"   Your responds was "We as Catholics, are taught to avoid all occasions of sin."  My question is how sinful is watching pornography, is it mortal? - Joseph

Dear Joseph:

Every sin of impurity is a mortal sin; therefore watching pornography is considered a grave sin.   While only God can deem it a mortal sin, only He can judge exactly if it is.  Here are the guidelines for judging whether sin is mortal:

1) The matter is grave.
2) You have full knowledge of the act.
3) You commit the act with full consent of the will.

Avoiding the occasion of sin is the best way to prevent a habit that can lead you into further sin and temptation.  One way to stay away from such temptation is to pray each time you feel yourself falling into sin.  A simple prayer will do.  Say something like the following:

“Lord I am weak.  Please strengthen me to stay away from this temptation.  I ask this in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ."

 CatholicView recently published an article defining  “Mortal Sin”.  Use this link to read:  "MORTAL SIN"

 God knows none of us is perfect.  But He wants us to try.  He will give you the graces to overcome all sin if we ask.  If we do that, He will help and will be pleased with us.  Remember there is nothing in this world worth losing your immortal soul.    – CatholicView Staff

 

"Is it okay to also be re-baptized in a Protestant
Church and still be Catholic?” - Kayla

CatholicView Staff:

 If someone one was baptized Catholic as a child, then when around 17 with friends at a funeral is it ok if they got re baptized in a Christian church, considering they are still a practicing Catholic?  Kayla

Dear Kayla:

Any person who believes in Jesus Christ and follows His teachings is a Christian. 

I do not understand why you feel the need to be re-baptized when one baptism is all that is necessary for salvation?  To be baptized in another church means that you are accepting the teachings of that church.  It also takes away the dignity of what you believe and gives others the idea that you are not a full member of your own Church.

Please refrain for doing this in the future unless you have decided to change to another denomination.  Although it is acceptable that you attend a Protestant funeral, it is not acceptable to be baptized there.  – CatholicView Staff

“Would God send a small but obvious sign to
someone who has a deaf ear?” - Michael

CatholicView Staff:

I do not have a denomination.   I read the words of the Christ and try to let it guide me.  My question is would Christ send a small but obvious sign to a deaf ear?   Would He waste His time on some one who wouldn’t get its meaning but only confuse him and he fails life’s test? - Michael

Michael:

I am so happy that you are trying to understand the words of Jesus Christ and their meaning to you in your life.  I believe if you pray each day God will open your heart to His love and you will know it, feel it, and you will rejoice in it.  Even now He knows you are searching to find Him.    

God’s love for us is universal.  We do not have to be a scholar to feel it or understand it.  The Lord comes to each of us at the level we can understand.  He is waiting for you to accept the salvation that His Son Jesus Christ paid for through His sacrifice on the cross.  If your heart is open, He will fill it with all the grace you need to move forward.  Find a church where you can share with others the love of Christ.  Take the first step and open up to God’s grace.  Watch yourself grow in the Lord.  Keep praying, Michael, the best is yet to come.  – CatholicView Staff

 

“Could my mother who died when I was four years
old send me a sign?”  - Maureen

CatholicView Staff:

I lost my mother to cancer when I was only four years old.   I feel she is with me always.   Can she see me and watch over me?   Can she hear me when I talk to her?  Even though I never knew her I still feel this wonderful bond and I take her with me in good times and bad.  Is she watching over my children and me?  And is she able to give me a sign?  - Maureen

Dear Maureen:

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your mother when you were so young.  Motherly love or any love never, ever dies.  Her love for you still lives.  Even now she is watching over you, knowing that someday you and she will be together.  For her, this earthly life is as a moment. 

I think each time you feel her presence within you, your mother is giving you that sign.  Rejoice in it and feel cherished knowing that someday you and your mother and all your family will be reunited forever eternally.  In heaven, there will be no more pain, no more suffering, and no more dying.  There will only be peace and joy.  Keep moving forward prayerfully.  God be with you always.  – CatholicView Staff

 

“I accidentally had sex but went to confession after each time
so I could have communion.   Is that okay?” - Christina

CatholicView Staff:

I have recently turned 18 and have accidentally had sex. Somehow it just happened. I was very determined to save myself until I had gotten married.  I am quite ashamed of myself, yet I feel like because of the sexual activeness of this generation, shouldn't the rules be changed in order to keep up with the world? It is very hard to save oneself in today's world when the youngest age one could do it at the age of 12. Long ago when adultery was made a sin was when people got married at a fairly young age. Now people don't get married until late twenties or early thirties. How is a relationship supposed to grow without physical activity? So would I have to confess every single time I had sex in order to receive the communion every week? - Christina

Christina:

I am pleased that you are trying to go to confession after each sin of fornication.  BUT, please realize that when we get forgiveness we must also make a vow to never repeat that sin.  You say you accidentally had sex.  What does this mean?  Did you lose your will to resist this temptation? 

To continually repeat that sin with the idea of getting forgiveness each time is wrong.   You cannot make a mockery of God by doing what you want, thinking God will forgive you.  If you truly mean to honor your promise to God and you are trying hard to be pure, and if through human weakness you fall into sin, then God will forgive you.   

Being a Christian Catholic is living life as God wants us to live it.  The “rules” that God commanded are valid even today.  If the bible changes, as some people would like for their own selfish desires,, that would make the salvation that Christ died for invalid.  The bible does not change to suit the freedom of sexuality or any sin.  The only difference is that modern day society turns a blind eye to what Jesus Christ taught and what the bible teaches in order to do whatever they desire to follow.

 Going to confession each week in order to take communion is wonderful.  Always consider that each time you confess your sin that you are taking a vow to stop doing the sin you are confessing.  A vow is sacred and you must remember Who you are making that vow to.  And always remember, if a man truly loves a woman, he will respect and love her for her purity. 

I suggest you go to talk to your priest as soon as possible.  You do not want this stain of sin on your soul.  – CatholicView Staff

 

“My boyfriend and I engage in sex.  Does my non-Catholic
boyfriend and I need counseling?” - Alma

CatholicView Staff:

I would like to know how my boyfriend and I could stop having premarital intercourse. I have confessed already, but I fell into it again the very next day. I feel bad, not knowing how to answer my boyfriend's question,  But, we know that we are already want to get married after two years of being together." It's hard for us because a simple kiss or holding hands leads us to feel like doing it again. Do we need counseling?  He isn't Catholic, but I am.  - Alma

Dear Alma:

Thank you for writing.  The Catholic Church teaches that fornication is a carnal union (sexual union) between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman.  As you know, mortal sin is a grave offense against God’s law.  Here is how we know when a sin is mortal when the following conditions are present: 

 1) The matter is grave.
 2) You have full knowledge of the act.
 3) You commit the act with full consent of the will.

No one can tell you how to stop engaging in fornication if you do not stop yourself.  You must make that decision.  You know what you are doing is wrong, and you also know if you should die with this sin on your soul, you may go to hell.  Is your sexual behavior worth this?

1Corinthians 7:9 states “But if they cannot contain themselves, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn (in hell)."  Do you want to stop?  And does your boyfriend want to stop also?  Then stop, and most of all pray and ask the Lord to strengthen you to avoid doing what you are doing.  Ask Him protect you from this serious sin.  If you cannot control your sexual appetites, then you should arrange your marriage at once.

I suggest you go and talk to your parish priest.  Seek face-to-face help.  Listen to what he has to say and abide by it.  Go to confession, realizing that if you promise God you will stop, you must abide by your word.  – CatholicView Staff

 

“My daughter had cervical cancer and wants to go to a Fertility
Center and have more children.   Can you advise me on this?”
- Rosy
 

Catholic View Staff:

I want to thank you for answering my question in your June Issue. I had asked about fertility methods that are acceptable for Catholics.   I appreciate your answer but I guess I was not very clear.  I guess I should have explained more.  My daughter had cervical cancer about 5 years ago.   It was removed and the doctors told her she could conceive a child but it would be very unlikely.  She was married last year on October 11, 2008.  She wants to try a fertility clinic but is not sure it is the right thing to do to seek help getting pregnant or just leave it up to God.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.   Thank you. - Rosy