SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER/2016
ASK A PRIEST
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM
FATHER LAZARUS CHAWDI
PRIEST STAFF
CATHOLICVIEW STAFF
CATHOLICVIEW STAFF
"My
boyfriend and I have been together 16 years. If
we marry
at the courthouse, would this be acceptable to
God?" - Rachel
CatholicView Staff:
My boyfriend and I have been together 16
years. We are both Catholic. We have wanted to
get married for years now, but financially are
not able to have a traditional wedding. If we
were to get married at the courthouse would this
marriage be acceptable in God's eyes and would
our union be blessed? Sincerely, Rachel
______________________________________________________________
Rachel:
The Church does
not recognize a civil wedding ceremony as valid
when both people are Catholic. If a couple
is
married in a civil ceremony, Catholics are asked
not to take the Eucharist until the marriage is
blessed and recognized as valid by the Church.
The reason for this is that the Church
recognizes marriage as a spiritual reality, not
just a piece of paper or a legal formality. If
you have been intimate with each other during
these 16 years, please take into consideration
that you have also sinned.
If you have been married in a
civil ceremony or planned to, you must have the
marriage recognized as valid by the Church.
Talk to your pastor, who will probably
recommend a process called convalidation.
It will involve an expedited marriage
preparation process (to determine that there is
no impediment to the marriage) and a simple
celebration of the sacrament of marriage so that
the consent of the couple to be married can be
witnessed by the Church. Another process, called
radical sanction, is used to recognize a
marriage as valid without a formal exchange of
consent (vows).
Although the
both of you want to be married as soon as
possible, giving your selves to one another for
the rest of your lives is a huge commitment.
Taking the time to prepare for that lifelong
sacrament of marriage will make your marriage
stronger.
I hope this
helps both of you. May the Lord bless your
upcoming marriage.
- CatholicView
Staff
"My
friend is a divorced Catholic. His ex-wife is a
non-Catholic
and without consent, she enrolled their child
in a Catholic
school. Could
my friend's daughter also been baptized
without his knowledge or consent? Thank you. "
- Jean
CatholicView:
My
friend is a divorced Catholic. His ex-wife
is a non-Catholic that has remarried a divorced
Catholic. Without my friend's consent, his
ex-wife enrolled their child in a Catholic
school, which my friend is okay with.
Recently, at a Parent-teacher night, my friend
learned that all of the 2nd grade
students would be celebrating First Communion,
including my friend's child. To my
friend's knowledge, his child was never baptized
in the Catholic Church. My question is
this...could my friend's daughter have been
baptized without his knowledge or consent?
Thank you. - Jean
_____________________________________________________________
Jean:
You
wrote that your friend's ex-wife has remarried a
divorced Catholic. The ex-wife, not a Catholic
herself, has possibly had the child of her first
marriage celebrating First Communion. But your
friend does not know if his
child has been baptized at the Church.
I
would suggest that your friend, the father of
the child, asks his ex-wife directly about these
possible events. If the wife does not respond
about this, then he should go to the church,
tell them he is the father of the child and
enquire if, indeed, his child was baptized there
and later celebrated Holy Communion.
I hope this helps.
-
CatholicView
Staff
"I
no longer want to be alive. Is
this a sin?
I will not commit suicide
as I know that is forbidden. Please help me?" Arro
CatholicView Staff:
I no longer want to be alive. I have felt this
way for quite some time. The question; Is it a
sin to want this life to end? I understand that
it is a gift from God. Yet, it's becoming
unbearable. I will not commit suicide as I know
that is forbidden. Is this a sin?
I feel that I am that guy that is "neither warm,
nor cold" and as such am offending God. Let me
know about this too. I have a strong suspicion
that God doesn't like me, and in fact thinks
that I'm an asshole, not worth the time. This
last sentence is sincere. Please help with these
heavy questions. - Arro
_______________________________________________________________
Arro:
I am sorry to
hear that you no longer want to live. As you
know, it is a sin to give up your life. And you
are correct in knowing that your life belongs
only to the Almighty God Who created you.
In
Psalm 18:6, God commands us to pray, to bring
our troubles before Him. Please pray to the
Lord but believe that He knows all things about
you and He has a plan for your life. But know
your life belongs to God, our Father. Keep in
mind your days are all planned and numbered by
God and nothing will shorten them outside of His
will. And if you take your life, yes, it is a
sin.
Rather than wanting not to live, pray for God's
strength and His grace, to stand fast in
whatever suffering you are experiencing. Put
your trust in God and His Precious Son, Jesus
Christ. Jesus tells us in John 10:10:
“I came that they may have life and have it
abundantly”
When you think you cannot go on living any
longer, pray and let God remind you that He will
help you to keep moving forward. Remember,
there is no suffering or trial that comes upon
us that the Lord does not see. He loves you and
will give you the courage to move forward with
your life, in spite of what is happening. Your
time on earth may not be perfect but our Father
will give you His eternal strength to move
forward. Why? Because He has plans for you.
Why, you ask? Because He has great love for
you.
You are never alone, for the Lord will always
guide you and give you courage. He will give
you hope and joy;
He will give you
hope to look ahead.
Pray always.
Sit quietly, letting the Lord touch your heart
and send His peace upon you. He knows what is
troubling you and will give you the peace that
transcends all human understanding, because He
cares for you. He already knows what is in your
heart for God sees all things, but if you take
your life, you will have committed a grave sin.
Why? Because our lives belong to Him.
We do not know when
He will call us home. But to take it upon
ourselves and give up living is wrong in the
sight of our Heavenly Father.
Yes, sometimes some people feel like life is not
worth living. But this is the day that we must
now lean on Jesus Who paid the ransom for all of
us at the Cross. Ask Him to "walk with you"
through this time of wanting to die, and through
prayer, let Him comfort you, and give you hope
for this future here on earth.. Let Him bestow
serenity and peace to you. One day, God will
take you home to everlasting life where joy
reigns.
Keep in mind, that praying to God to allow us to
die is sinful because doing so indicates a lack
of faith in Him and Jesus Christ our Savior.
Let God fix your desire to die with His
strength. Move forward, and with prayer, let
God set you free from the desire to end your
life.
Here is a short prayer for you:
"Heavenly Father, You have promised to
sustain me
through all the trials I must face. I beg you to
ease my suffering of wanting to die. But
in all things, let Your Will, not my will,
but Yours be done. I ask this
through Your Mighty Son,
Jesus Christ.
"Amen.”
Arro, go in peace. Pray always, asking that
Almighty God strengthens you to keep moving
forward. Become strong in the Lord because He .
loves you. - CatholicView Staff
"How
do I ask for the forgiveness for the sin of
incest?"
Jovita
CatholicView:
How do I ask forgiveness
for the sin of incest? God bless you. - Jovita
_____________________________________________________________
Jovita:
Incest is
sexual intercourse between close blood
relatives, including brothers and sisters,
parents and children, grandparents and
grandchildren, or aunts or uncles with nephews
or nieces. It is a crime in all states, even if
consensual by both parties. It is also often
co-existent with sexual abuse to children.
If you are truly
sorry to have committed this sin of incest
and seek repentance, you must pray to God
for forgiveness and mean it from your heart.
You must ask the Lord to give you that
forgiveness. And you must prove this by the way
you live in the future; by withdrawal from these
horrific sins and turning to our Heavenly
Father, truthfully adhering to the promise that
this will never happen again. God WILL then
forgive you and purify you from all
unrighteousness. 1John 1:9 tells us the
following:
"If we
confess our sins, He is faithful and just and
will forgive us, (YOU) these sins and purify us
from all unrighteousness. "
Make evident, by
the way you live, Jovita, that you have really
turned from these sins and turned back to
Almighty God. May the Lord bless you. -
CatholicView Staff
"I
am planning a trip to Nepal to volunteer at a
rural school but the
closest Catholic Church is over 12 hours away.
Is it acceptable
to miss Sunday Mass? - Regina
CatholicView Staff:
I
am planning a trip to Nepal to volunteer at a
rural school. I really think it will be a great
opportunity to help poor Nepali children, but
there is one issue: the closest Catholic Church
is over twelve hours away. In this situation,
when there is no accessible Catholic Church, is
it acceptable to miss Sunday Mass? I plan to go
for about a month. Also, would I have to get a
dispensation from a priest? If so, can it be
any priest or does it have to be my pastor?Thank
you! - Regina
________________________________________________________________
Regina:
What a beautiful thing you are doing in helping
the children of
Nepal! Our Lord will bless you greatly for
helping others, and yes, this is a beautiful
opportunity which God will sanction.
Where there is no accessible Catholic Church for
you to attend Mass nearby, please know that God
understands, for you are doing His work.
Absolutely!
That you are volunteering and helping these
children for a month is a great Christian thing
that our Lord does not take lightly.
Certainly, you can discuss this with your parish
priest or any priest should you desire.
Attending a Catholic Church that is a great
distance of twelve hours away from this rural
school would be difficult. And so, simply
give our Lord an hour or more in prayer on the
Sabbath, reading your bible and spending time
meditating. God knows your heart and is pleased
that you are helping the Nepali children in
need.
This is a wonderful opportunity to work for the
Lord.
May He bless you and keep you safe on your
journey. - CatholicView Staff
"If I have sinned and prayed for repentance, is
it wrong to
keep praying over and over for that same sin to
be
forgiven?" - Ashle
CatholicView
Staff:
May I ask a
question? If I sinned, and have prayed for
repentance, is it wrong to keep praying over and
over for that same sin to be forgiven when it is
not repeatedly committed, or am I in faith, to
know the Lord has heard my prayers and that He
forgives me? - Ashle
For example, I
told a lie and I have prayed for forgiveness,
but I still feel bad, so each night I ask
forgiveness for this sin. If the sin is
not repeated, should I ask God's forgiveness and
move on or is my guilt a sign that it's good to
keep praying for forgiveness? Thank you!
- Ashle
________________________________________________________________
Ashle:
Thanks for your
question. Once you ask God for
forgiveness, are truly sorry and mean it, He
forgives you and tells you He has not only
forgiven you, He tells in Psalms 103:12 "He has
removed our transgressions (sins) from us as far
as the East is from the West. How great is
our Lord!
Go in
peace, Continuing to always avoid the occasion
of sin!! - CatholicView Staff
"My
husband has left me after 45 years of marriage.
He
has prostrate cancer and depressed. God seems
to
have left me. - Maria
CatholicView Staff:
My
husband has left me after 45 years of marriage.
It started after he found out he had prostrate
cancer and he is depressed. I have never been
alone in my life .at bedtime. I barricade
myself in the bedroom so no one will get in. I
am afraid. I pray to God but He seems to have
left me. Maria
___________________________________________________________
Maria:
I am so sorry to hear that your husband has left
you after so many years of being together. One
thing you must do is pray for your husband's
depression and illness. Hopefully he will see that this is
the time when he really needs you during his
fearful time of finding out he has prostrate
cancer. Did your husband talk to a good doctor
about this health issue? So many people can
survive if they can get a proper doctor.
It
is a scary situation but there are cures for
this if he can get treatment right away. If you
can speak with him, try to get him to visit a
doctor or a hospital and get care for his
condition.
Please pray for your husband. Let our Almighty
God gave you courage and strengthening during
this time of loneliness and sadness. Here is a
short prayer for you:
"Heavenly
Father, You are the source and strength for my
husband
who has prostrate cancer.
Empower him with hope for
I know
You
can do all things if it is Your Will. Lord, let
him get the help he
needs for his cancer. I ask you to soften his
heart
and let him see that I still love him and will
help
him through this scary time. Grant
him
courage because he is depressed
and afraid. I ask all this through
Your Son, Jesus Christ."
AMEN!
Depend on God Who loves you very much. May God
bless you, Maria. - CatholicView Staff
FATHER KEVIN
BATES, SM
"I am Catholic. My first wife and I divorced
after 33 years and I met
a divorced woman. We civilly married and I
found out her previous
marriage was Catholic and she and her ex had a
daughter who does
not attend mass.
I know that God will give me the grace to get
out
of any situation but to me this is harder.
- Bernie
Father Kevin:
I am a marriage annulled Roman Catholic after a
33 year marriage. The divorce was never my idea
and I always believed until death do us part. I
figured God’s grace could get me out of anything
and prayed that it is “not good for man to be
alone.” I met a down on her luck (3 previous
marriages) woman with children and got civilly
married. Cannot believe how stupid I am; I
later found out her last marriage was an RC
marriage. She went through the annulment
process for her ex. He has disowned her and his
own daughter that still lives with me. My wife
is not a practicing Catholic and refuses to go
through another annulment process. Myself and
all my peers think there is nothing wrong here;
but I have a nagging conscience and I need a
priest with the power of discernment. There is
no way my wife or step-daughter could survive
without me. I have never been blessed with the
gift of celibacy. Again I know that God will
give me the grace to get out of any situation
but to me this is harder. I do love my wife and
I do go to Church. Advice? - Bernie
______________________________________________________________
Dear Bernie:
Thank you for your question which I believe you
have well and truly answered for yourself. You
have done all you can to put things at right in
every sense, with regard to your own marital
history and your wife’s. You are living with
great integrity of heart. The Church’s laws are
meant to liberate not imprison us, and hidden
away in Canon Law is a recognition that our
conscience has the last word in all moral
matters.
We
have the capacity to deceive ourselves and
sometimes we do just that. However, if we place
ourselves humbly in God’s presence and listen
for the truth of things and know that we have
done our very best in our decision-making, we
can be pretty sure that no law will get in the
way of that truth.
Since your wife has been through the annulment
process previously, there is nothing to be
gained in pressuring her in any way to repeat
the dose. As you say your wife and
step-daughter need you and therein is the higher
value that is guiding you.
In
some of these instances all we can do is throw
ourselves at Jesus’ feet and leave it to him
after we’ve done all we realistically can. If
He were chatting with you now I think He would
advise you to be patient, prayerful and as
loving as you can be, and to leave the rest to
God.
As
you probably know, Pope Francis is moving to
ease this burden for people, but as we are such
a big family of faith, such changes come
slowly! God bless you and your family Bernie.
-
FATHER KEVIN
"After divorcing
I did not receive a declaration of nullity for
my first Catholic marriage. But I have
remarried another
non-Catholic in a civil ceremony and are in a
final stage
of divorce after 2/1/2 years. Am I in a state
of mortal
sin?" - Buster
Father Kevin:
I have
not received a declaration of nullity for my
Catholic marriage with my first wife. She and I
divorced, and I have since remarried a
non-Catholic in a civil ceremony, but she (the
second wife) and I are in the final stage of
divorce after being separated for two and a half
years. Am I in a state of mortal sin? If so,
would I still be if, after this second divorce,
lived alone as a celibate man? I see no hope of
reconciliation with my (true) Catholic wife and
no grounds for a declaration of nullity. Many
Thanks! - Buster
________________________________________________________________
Hi
Buster:
Thanks for your question. The first
thing I’d say to you is relax! You’ve been
through enough strife without looking for more.
Firstly, only you know the state of your own
soul. That is purely between you and God.
Committing to a civil marriage is technically
outside the Church’s law. Sometimes we may be
turning away from God in such a situation, and
sometimes it may be the only course that seems
to be open to us. And while we move beyond where
the law allows, we may not be turning away from
God at all. Only you know the truth of that in
your own heart. The law is there to guide us,
but is not meant to dictate to our consciences.
So
secondly, I encourage you to spend some
prayerful time in God’s presence and allow God’s
Spirit to guide you
The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a beautiful
gift we have for setting us free from our
burdens and worries. Our focus there is on
God’s mercy rather than our own sin, and in that
comes our healing and new freedom. If you sense
that this would be helpful to you I encourage
you in that direction so you can name your
situation in the setting of the Sacrament.
In
the meantime, I will hold you in my prayer.
Every blessing.
-
FATHER KEVIN
"As
Catholics, do we believe those with different
religious belief can still enter Heaven?" -
Aidan
Father Kevin:
As a
Catholic, do we believe that people who have
different religious belief can still go to
Heaven? - Aidan
______________________________________________________________
HI
Aidan:
The answer is “yes.” That is Catholic teaching.
Have a read of the Vatican Council’s
Constitution on the Church in the Modern World
and you will find it expressed very well there.
When I was a kid we used to somehow think that
Catholics would be the only ones to get God’s
nod of favour at the end of the journey. This
was born in part of the defensive attitude we
had developed towards people of other traditions
following the Reformation particularly. We’ve
grown a bit since I was a kid in our
understanding of the ways in which God’s
wonderful grace works. Every blessing. -
FATHER KEVIN