ASK A PRIEST
NOVEMBER 2009



FATHER WILLIAM G. MENZEL
FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM
CATHOLICVIEW STAFF
____________________________________
FATHER WILLIAM G. MENZEL

“What are my obligations to my husband who is in
a long term affair?” - Beth

 Father Bill:

I recently found out that my husband has been having a long-term affair with a co-worker.  He wants to stay legally married for several years so he can be part of our children's daily lives, but he intends to keep having the affair and doesn't sleep with me.  Am I sinning by going along with this plan or am I sinning by breaking my marriage vows and sending him packing?  As a stay at home mom, financially I need him in the home, but what are my moral obligations to this marriage? - Beth

Dear Beth:

What a painful situation! My heart aches for you and your children.

The quick and easy answer to your first questions: I don’t think you would be sinning by exercising either of the options you are considering. If you were to choose the first option, “going along with [his] plan”, some might say that you are an accomplice to your husband’s infidelity, but I don’t see it that way.  He has already been unfaithful without your knowledge. Your knowing about it changes nothing. It certainly does not place any moral responsibility upon you for his conduct and his decision to be unfaithful.

If you were to choose the second option, “sending him packing”, you would be acknowledging that what you are in now is not a marriage. Painful as that may be to admit, it certainly appears to be the truth, and this touches upon your third question: What are your moral obligations to this marriage?—to which the cynic in me asks, “What marriage”?

Frankly, I am in awe of the fact that you are even considering the first option. Continuing to live with a man who is causing you so much pain seems almost heroic. Still, staying together “for the sake of the children” does have some merit. In general—at least where there is no abuse or constant bickering going on—I believe that children are better able to tolerate a less-than-ideal relationship between their parents than the inevitable trauma that divorce brings. This is not always true, of course, and most children eventually can work through the deep hurt and anxieties of divorce. Also, with their father in effect living a double life, I would be concerned about how scandalous this option might be for your children.

Incidentally, you mention that you need him around the home for financial reasons. Almost all state divorce laws enforce reasonable child support obligations and equitable property distributions. Even in the best of states such laws are not foolproof, but I would think that the financial considerations should be lower on your priority list than some of the other factors as you try to arrive at a decision.

You didn’t ask me what I think you should do, so I won’t venture there. In making your decision you will have to consider your own spiritual and emotional health, as well as that of your children. Ask for God’s help, then make the best decision you can under the circumstances. Clearly, barring a miraculous change of heart on the part of your husband, there is no ideal solution to your dilemma. I’ll pray for you and your children, and I trust that other readers will do so too.  May God bless you and guide you. -   Fr. Bill


“How can I obey Romans 13 when government
leaders are corrupt?” - Eileen

Father Bill:

How can I obey Romans 13 when I am convinced, in my own mind, that our government/leaders are corrupt? - Eileen

Dear Eileen:

Government and political leaders are only one aspect of the kind of authority that St. Paul is speaking of in Romans.  In other words, they are not the whole picture.  Also, as the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) points out, human society needs authority for the sake of good order and the common good, and, as St. Paul says, this authority derives from God (see CCC 1897-1899).   Some kind of authority is essential, as is obedience to that essential authority (CCC 1900).

If the teachings of St. Paul and the Church are so cut-and-dried in this regard, how are we ordinary citizens to respond when authority fails to provide for the common good or implements laws or policies that are immoral?   How are people living in totalitarian regimes to defend themselves and their rights?  In this regard we are fortunate to have the Church as the authoritative teacher and interpreter of Sacred Scripture, because where St. Paul does not clarify, the Church does. In CCC 1903 we read:

Authority is exercised legitimately only when it seeks the common good of the group concerned and if it employs morally licit means to attain it.  If rulers were to enact unjust laws or take measures contrary to the moral order, such arrangements would not be binding in conscience.

When authority becomes so corrupt that its legitimacy is no longer credible, it can lead to a total breakdown of the social order.   In that case, there is no legitimate authority, only corrupt leadership.  The consequences of this are often chaos and misery. One might also suggest that the presence of widespread chaos and misery are indicators of the absence of legitimate authority, since legitimate authority seeks ways to promote the common good.

Of course, totalitarian regimes are skilled in using force and the rule of law to ensure well-ordered and stable societies, giving the appearance of serving the common good.  Because of this, they are often able to command the support of many of their citizens, who are willing to trade some of their rights and freedoms for the perceived good of a relatively worry free existence.   History has shown that submission to this kind of authority often leads to grave consequences.

In our occasionally uneasy relationship with authority—legitimate or not—the Church once again draws from its age old store of wisdom:

The citizen is obliged in conscience not to follow the directives of civil authorities when they are contrary to the demands of the moral order, to the fundamental rights of persons or the teachings of the Gospel. (CCC 2242)

If, however, the directives of civil authorities are not contrary to the demands of the moral order, to the fundamental rights of persons or the teachings of the Gospel, we then have the duty of obedience.  On this both the Church and St. Paul concur.

I’m going to conclude by going back to my first sentence in this answer, namely that government and political leaders are only one aspect of the kind of authority of which St. Paul is speaking. In a sense the “rule of law” is an authority unto itself, as long as it derives its legitimacy from what the Church calls the natural law and from the consent of the governed.  The Constitution of the United States is an example of this.  Such a constitution is an overriding principle of authority, establishing the principles of government and protecting the rights of the governed.  It is not hard to see how this kind of authority is consistent with what St. Paul says in his Letter to the Romans.  It commands the obedience of all who would be citizens of a state so constituted.

I hope that this helps, Eileen. - Fr. Bill

 
“How can we be sure that the bible is
accurate?” - Andrew

Father Bill:

My faith rests in Jesus, not on the idea that I must understand everything He said.  We scrutinize the exact Hebrew translations of Jesus' words - the foundation of faith - how can we be sure they were accurate, when the Gospels were not written until 30 years after His Passion?  - Andrew

Dear Andrew:

That’s a great question—one that I’m sure has been asked countless times over the centuries.  I’m not a biblical scholar, but I’ve come up with some answers of my own, just as I can see that you have.  When you say that your faith rests in Jesus, you are saying something very important: faith is a word we use to describe our relationship with God, which for us Christians finds its focus in Jesus the Christ. Since He is both fully human and fully divine, we can see in him the loving presence of the Blessed Trinity.  It is who Jesus is, more than what He said, that is at the heart of our faith.

Still, we first meet Jesus in the Gospels, so it is important for us to know the nature of these inspired texts.  It is also important to understand—or at least accept—some of the limitations that translation imposes.  In a Q & A forum like this, it is really impossible to do any of this at much depth, so I’ll proceed as best I can under those circumstances.   If you or other readers need to know more (and I hope you will!), you would do well to investigate whether in your parish or your diocese biblical study courses are offered with lay people in mind.  Fortunately, there also are available some very good Catholic scripture resources, including books, pamphlets, and electronic media.  One supplier of such material is the Little Rock Scripture Study program; there are many others.

I would like to spend most of the rest of my answer on just one word you use in your question.  The word is accurate.

In our culture the word accurate usually implies some kind of perfection.  A painting is an accurate reproduction of the original. The transcription of the cockpit voice recorder was not accurate due to damage from a post-crash fire.  After her pen broke, the reporter had to return to the office and try her best to come up with a reasonably accurate paraphrase of the president’s off-the-cuff remarks.  Our standards of accuracy are pretty high, no doubt in part because of technological advances over the last century or so.

The kind of accuracy we are accustomed to was not possible at the time of Jesus.  While Christians believe that the Holy Spirit inspires the Scriptures, we do not believe that the Holy Spirit dictated every word to the inspired authors.  Instead, the authors were inspired to give accounts of scriptural persons and events that accurately depicted their role in God’s plan of salvation.   This meant that the authors of the gospels had to rely on their memories, the memories of the apostles and the collective memory of the small Christian communities that formed after the death and resurrection of Jesus.

While the inspiration of the Holy Spirit protected the scriptures from gross theological error (what we call heresy), it did not ensure the kind of literal accuracy that we would expect if they were to be written now.   It helps to remember that much of both the Jewish Scriptures and the Christian Scriptures were handed down by word-of-mouth before they were ever set down in writing. Since most people at that time were illiterate, they probably were much better at remembering the spoken word than we are.  Still, we cannot expect perfect accuracy in their retelling of the stories, whether spoken or written.

So can we be sure that the Gospels are accurate?  We can be sure that they accurately depict the essential realities about Jesus: who He is; what He taught; how He died; that He was seen by credible witnesses to rise from the dead.  Those who would expect word-for-word accuracy of His teachings would be expecting too much from a culture in which that kind of accuracy simply was not possible nor expected.  They didn’t have digital recorders to hold in front of Jesus when He spoke.  His words filled their hearts with joy and hope, and they did their best to pass this on as best they could.  - Fr. Bill
FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM
“Was Peter considered a Christian?” - Joyce

Father Kevin:

Jesus told Peter that he was the Rock, who followed in Peter's footsteps - was he considered Christian or is that when the Catholic faith came in.  I married into the faith, am not grounded and I am looking for answers.  Also was purgatory a pagan myth? - Joyce

 

Hi Joyce:

The early Christians saw themselves as following a way of life, and this became known as "The Way".    In the very earliest times, they saw themselves still as Jewish until they started to be persecuted for their different approach to things.  The term "Christian" was not used until much later, so Peter would have had no idea that he was a Christian!  The word "Catholic" also came in much later.  Literally it means "universal" and consistent with this word, the Church's mission is to embrace all peoples.  Someone asked Pope John XXIII once how he would describe the Church, and apparently he replied "Here comes everyone!"

Regarding Purgatory, that is Catholic teaching.   It is based on the sound instinct that at the time of our death, just as at any other time on our journey, we will not be in a perfect state, and in order to be fully in God’s presence we will need to go through some process of purification.  What that is, or how that is done we have no idea.  I think of it as being a bit like getting our hair done and shoes polished, or getting our make-up sorted out before we have to meet someone important.  All good wishes.    – Father Kevin

 
“My married daughter conceived out of her
marriage but abortion is not an option. 
Please advise?” - Chris

My daughter is married in the church, but has conceived out of the marriage.  She has two daughters and a husband.  She does not want to ruin her marriage.  I explained that the child is a must, even if the pain in a family break up may happen.  Abortion is not an option.  Please advise! - Chris

 

Dear Chris:

The Church's position on this is very clear and as is yours from what you've written.  The child has a right to be born and to live just as any of us have a right to be here. Regardless of the personal difficulties involved in sorting out the mistakes we make, these should in no way impinge on the child's right to be here. We live in a culture where we find it difficult to take responsibility for our actions, and our technology enables us often enough to avoid doing so.  The fact that we can act in such a way as to avoid the consequences of our actions, can never make it right.  Suffering through and owning our mistakes can be a wonderful path to growth if we dare to face our own truth.   All good wishes.  – Father Kevin 


“What is the purpose of a confirmation name?” - Ed

Father Kevin:

What is the purpose of choosing a confirmation name? Is it the name that God will write in the book of life? Will they call my confirmation name out when they call the role up yonder?   Thanks. - Ed

Hi Ed:

A confirmation name is simply a means of connecting yourself to one of the great members of our faith family who've gone ahead of us.  The saint we choose can be a model and inspiration for us and we can take that person on board as a friend and someone special to pray for us.  Never having been up yonder I've no idea what they'll do with all that!  All good wishes.   - Father Kevin
CATHOLICVIEW STAFF
“Did God allow the Titanic to sink as punishment
for human hubris?” - Bifford

CatholicView Staff:

Some say that God sent that iceberg to sink the Titanic to punish human hubris, because someone declared, "not even God could sink this ship!"

But the Titanic was not the Tower of Babel.  It's "sink-proof" design was meant to ensure the safety of its passengers' lives, not challenge God's might.

What if that same person had instead declared: "Since we care very much about the lives of our passengers - who must travel across the Atlantic one way or another - we have invested great sums of money and time into designing a ship that will best safeguard them, because you can't put a price tag on human lives."  Would God have reacted differently?  Would he have instead cleared the icebergs out of the ship's path? - Bifford

 

Bifford:

Who said that the sinking of the Titanic (1912) was God's punishment for "human hubris," as you say?  God did not sink the Titanic.  An iceberg did.  God did not punish anyone for building a ship considered at the time as "unsinkable."  Things happen that are beyond our control.  I am reminded of a gospel story of the Tower of Siloam (Luke 13:2-5).   Jesus was asked about a disaster that happened in His time frame.  People wanted to know if God was punishing people because of their sins.  Jesus said NO.   Here are the actual biblical verses:

Jesus said to them in reply, "Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were greater sinners than all other Galileans?  By no means!....Or those eighteen people who were killed when the tower of Siloam fell on them -- do you think that they were more guilty than everyone else who lived in Jerusalem?  By no means!  But I tell you, if you do not repent, you will all perish as they did."

Even though Jesus did make a point to use these terrible tragedies in His time as a call for repentance (you had better be ready to meet your Creator face to face at any time since you do not know when you will die), He also made the point that terrible things happen and these tragedies are no one's fault or based on punishment for sin.  One of my pet peeves is people saying that some tragedy is somehow God's punishment for some perceived sin.  Remember, Jesus' ONE sacrifice on the cross took all our punishment due to sin.  God is not in the business of punishing anyone.  Instead, we punish ourselves by the consequences of our actions.  So, for your question, the tragedy of the sinking of the Titanic was not God's fault.  Things happen.  The challenge is how we rise from tragedy with faith in the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.   We are judged by how we use our inborn talents in the bad times as well as in good times.  One's character is tested and tried in tragedy.  Yet these life trials are not punishments from God.  They are life challenges that hopefully cause my soul to soar to salvation and heaven.   God intervenes in human history from time to time for a specific reason, such as Jesus' intervention into time and space to die on the cross and rise from the dead.   Otherwise, God allows creation to move forward in both good times and in bad.   Even as you surmise a positive God-fearing attitude for the making of the Titanic as an unsinkable ship for safeguarding of priceless human lives, that wouldn't have stopped the Titanic meeting that iceberg on that day.  It wasn't fate as some would say.  It just happened. – CatholicView Staff        
“Why do we ask Mary for intercession and
reconciliation when Jesus intercedes for us?”
- Diane

CatholicView Staff:

I have been reading really delving into the study of God's Word and have become grieved in my spirit with respects to praying the rosary. Why do we ask Mary for intercession and reconciliation when it says in God's Word that Jesus reconciled us to God by dying and He alone intercedes for us? - Diane

 

Diane:

I am happy to know that you are studying the Bible and trying to understand it.  I also hope that you have guidance in doing so with a help of a Biblical concordance and study guides.  It is important that you understand exactly what the scriptures are saying to each of us.  With that in mind, let me make this clear so that there is no mistake.  The Church has always taught since the apostolic times these infallible truths:  (1) There is one mediator between God and humankind, and that is Jesus Christ.  (2) That Jesus Christ offered one sacrifice for the salvation of humankind through his death on the cross and his resurrection from the dead on Easter.  (3)   All prayer to the Father goes through Jesus Christ alone.  (4) We believe in the power of prayer and the power of intercessory prayer, meaning that we ask others to pray for us as well (see James 5:16).  (5) The Church sees itself as the Body of Christ on earth (see I Corinthians 12:12-26), with each member of that Body working in concert with one another to build the Kingdom of God here on earth.  (6)  The Church also sees itself as the Bride of Christ as described in Revelation 21:1-5 and therefore, through trials and through the joy of faith, the Church is progressing on its way to that marriage of Christ and His Church (also see the reference in Ephesians 5:32).   (7) Mary, the mother of Christ, is a human being that was created and called by God the Father to play an important part in His plan of salvation for humankind and the world.   As the first believer in her son, Jesus Christ, she becomes the first believer and the first to be "saved" by her son, Jesus.  Her own cousin, Elizabeth, proclaimed her "the mother of my Lord." (see Luke 1:43), hence her title, Mother of God (Jesus Christ is the second person of the Blessed Trinity, the Word Himself, the Lord of all life).  Because of this mystery and the awesomeness of God's plan, Mary proclaimed that "behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed." (Luke 1:48).  (8)  Every member of the Church, the Body of Christ, has at his and her disposal the power of prayer and the power of intercessory prayer.   Prayer can and does change lives.  (9)  When a Christian believer dies, their soul, their very being, enters heaven through the grace of Jesus Christ.   A Christian who has died is still part of the Body of Christ, as the Church describes those in heaven as the Church Triumphant.  A Christian in heaven still has the power of prayer and intercessory prayer, and exercises that power of prayer not for themselves but for those whom they leave behind on earth awaiting their entrance into heaven.  The Church on earth and the Church in heaven constitute one Body of Christ awaiting that great marriage of Christ and His Church as described in the book of Revelation at the end of time.  The Mother of Jesus Christ (as she has been described in Greek as Theotokos, God-Bearer) as a member of the Body of Christ also exercises her power of intercessory prayer for those on earth.   This is alluded to in the book of Revelation, Chapter 12, that describes Mary as an "image or type" of the Church, and describes her in this way:  "Then the dragon became angry with the woman and went off to rage war against the rest of her offspring, those who keep God's commandments and bear witness to Jesus."  In the Church's interpretation of scripture, we see Mary praying for us, her spiritual children.  And truly we are her spiritual children because she is the mother of Jesus Christ, and we as believers are the Body of Christ.  Mary in a very real sense has given birth to the Church on earth.  The words of the "Hail, Mary" is a biblical prayer.  Allow me to break it down for you:

Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you (Luke 1:28)

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb [Jesus]. (Luke 1:42)

Holy Mary, Mother of God (see Luke 1:43), pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

This prayer uses the words of scripture as a way to meditate on the mystery of God's salvation, that God in His great mercy, used a simple handmaiden of His to accomplish an important part in the salvation of the world.  That means that God continues to use us as individuals and as a community of human beings to accomplish his plan of salvation.  The Biblical prayer ends with asking Mary to pray for us for she is a Christian who has the power of intercessory prayer.  She prays to the one mediator between God and humankind, her son, Jesus Christ (remember, ALL prayer goes through Jesus Christ).  When I ask a fellow Christian to pray for me, they pray to the Father through (and in the name of) Jesus Christ.  And I can ask any Christian to pray for me, whether they are here on earth or in heaven since there is no distinction between the believers in heaven (their belief and hope is fulfilled in the beatific vision of God for they see Jesus face to face) and the believers on earth (who yearn to see Jesus face to face).  At the same time, I pray to God through Jesus.  I don't need others to intercede for me, but the more people that pray for me, the more the "knocking on the door" gets louder, and the more support that I have within the Body of Christ, the Church (the body of all believers).  So, when I ask Mary to pray for me, I know that she will lift me up in prayer to Jesus whom she sees all the time.  The rosary, then, is a meditative prayer based on thinking about the life of Christ.  The rosary is split into the joyous, luminous (public ministry of Jesus), sorrowful, and glorious mysteries of Christ's life.  The rosary is a Christ-centered prayer and we ask Mary to pray with us and for us.  The rosary had its beginning in the first Christian monks of the third century A.D.  The monks used to recite all 150 psalms in the Old Testament.  Then, later, for regular people like us, the 150 psalms were broken down into 50 psalms segments.  In time, it was simplified into the rosary that we know today.   In 1214, a monk named Dominic had a vision of Mary who told him to show people how to pray the rosary that they may know Jesus more intimately by walking in His footsteps.  And that's how the rosary became part of a Catholic's spiritual life.  Of course, we don't need to pray the rosary.  Prayer to the Father through Jesus is all that is required.  But using the rosary, I can say that I know Jesus better each time and I slowly mature in understanding what God's Will in my life is.   We ask Mary to pray for us as we ask any Christian to pray for us.   Only Jesus can reconcile us to the Father.  The Church has never taught that Mary can reconcile us to God.  But through our own personal discipline of prayer and peaceful meditation on Jesus Christ, we find that we are reconciled to God when we accept Jesus in our hearts and understand His Will in our lives.  The rosary can help open my heart and mind to the power of Jesus.  Catholics do not worship Mary.   Worship belongs to God alone.  But we honor her as the Mother of our Lord.   And we also recognize that she also prays for us as her spiritual children.   And I know that one day, when I reach the gates of heaven, she will be there to welcome me as well as my fellow believers in her son, Jesus!  - CatholicView Staff          

 
“I am a Hindu who wants to be Catholic.  I
wrongly married and want to divorce.  What
can I do to become Catholic?” - Anj

CatholicView Staff:

I am a Hindu but I firmly believe only in Jesus Christ and follow His path to the core. I married recently (as per Hindu rites) but am beginning to feel that it was the 'wrongest' decision of my life.  Thoughts of divorce keep coming to my mind.  But the Catholic Faith does not permit divorce.  How does this rule apply to my situation?  I am confused and don’t want to fall into sin by any act of commission / omission. Please help. - Anj

 

Dear Anj:

I am joyful to hear that you believe in Jesus Christ, but to be a Christian, you must accept Jesus into your heart and life and leave behind any other religion or faith that you may have.  Even though you say that you are a Hindu and believe in that faith, you are not yet a Christian without leaving behind your Hindu faith and accepting Jesus Christ totally in everything.  When you become a full-fledged Christian, then you can leave everything behind and start a new life in Jesus Christ.  Although I do not advocate divorce, there are times that divorce is the only option.  The Church and the New Testament does not accept divorce and REMARRIAGE for Christians.  Notice what I said....divorce is not the problem nor is it necessarily sinful.  Divorce and REMARRIAGE is the issue.  In your situation, the Church accepts your marriage as valid and unbreakable as a Hindu adherent.  But when you become a Christian (and you do procure a divorce because of your faith in Jesus Christ), then you are free to marry a fellow Christian (called the Pauline privilege as described in I Corinthians 7:12-16).    The Catholic faith does not accept divorce of a valid marriage and remarriage.  But divorce alone is not necessarily sinful (depending on the situation).  When you become a full Christian, rejoice in the Lord and live life to the full!  - CatholicView Staff

 
“Have I committed a mortal sin by taking
the “morning after” pill?” - Elizabeth

Catholicview Staff:

A few weeks ago, while under the influence of alcohol, I had a sexual encounter with a boy, although I did try to stop it.  In the morning, I took the morning after pill in a state of panic.  I have already confessed and done penance for the sex, but I didn't realize the church deemed the morning after pill the equivalent of of abortion.  Have I committed a mortal sin in taking it? -Elizabeth

 

Dear Elizabeth:

Sexual relations and intimacy outside the sacred bonds of marriage is always considered serious sin and breaks one's relationship with God and the Church.  I thank God that you went to confession and began the road to reconciliation to God and His Church.  You are correct in saying that the Church has ethically taught that taking the morning after pill could result in a de facto abortion, meaning that the medication could have destroyed a conceived unborn child.  But that doesn't always happen in every situation since not every sexual act ends in conception.  It is important that you mention this in your next confession.  We don't know if an abortion was accomplished by your taking of this medication.  That's why the Church says that taking such a morning after pill is not  acceptable practice for Christians.  – CatholicView Staff


“How do I witness to my elderly parents and
my sisters who do not attend mass?” - Claudia

CatholicView Staff:

Both my parents are elderly and do not attend any sort of church and neither do my sisters.  I really worry about their salvation however I want to approach the subject with sensitivity and compassion.  How do I witness to them as a Catholic?  - Claudia

 

Claudia:

I am so sorry that your parents are unable to attend church.  However, this is no excuse for your sisters as they are younger. 

I suggest you pray hard for your parents as well as your sisters.  Be an example for them to see.  Make them want the strength they see in you.  You might ask them to say a prayer with you for your aging parents.  This will include them and perhaps make them see how important the Lord should be in their own lives.  Do this as often as they will let you.  At meal times, say a prayer that includes the family’s welfare.  Call each name as you pray aloud.  Make an offer to them to go to church one Sunday with you.  DO NOT FORCE IT.  As the old saying goes, “You can bring a horse to water but you cannot make him drink.”

Know that the Lord is well pleased with your concern for the souls of your family.  Keep praying.  God moves in mysterious ways.  God bless you, Claudia. – CatholicView Staff 

 
“Does the Kingdom of God belong solely to
the Catholic Church?” - John

CatholicView Staff:

In the Gospels we hear about the Kingdom of God and that Jesus established the Kingdom of God on earth, i.e. - the Church.  Is the Kingdom of God just the Catholic Church or is it all churches of Christ such as all the other Protestant, Methodist, Baptist and evangelical churches? – John

 

John:

Interesting question, John.  Salvation does not wholly belong just to the Catholic Church.  The Kingdom of God encompasses all who live their lives as Christ taught.   It belongs to all who follow the teachings of Jesus Christ.  You see, someday when we stand before the Lord, He will ask us if we followed His teachings by loving Him, living a clean life, helping others, giving to the poor, loving our neighbors, spreading the gospel as Jesus asked us to do, and all the things He taught.  If we do not abide by His teachings, denomination alone will not save us or gain for us eternal life.  Hope this helps.  – CatholicView Staff

 
“Is it permissible to wear pants to mass?”
- Seasons

CatholicView Staff:

Many people tell me a Catholic woman shouldn't wear pants but I feel uncomfortable in skirts. I always wear them to mass and the mantilla. But is it wrong to wear pants as daily wear? - Seasons

 

Seasons:

Thank you for your question.  Pants are acceptable attire for daily wear and even for Church.  For Church one should wear conservative pants with appropriate blouses or sweaters, always remembering we are in the house of the Lord. – CatholicView Staff

 
“My brother and I want to go to confession after
almost 35 years.  Will you pray for us?” – Robin

CatholicView Staff:

Not a question just a prayer request. My brother John was struggling with going to confession.    It's been 35 years for him, about that for me.  I told him if he goes I will go.   He went, praise God.   Now it's my turn.   Prayers for strength.  I know God is calling us.  - Robin

 

Robin:

I pray that the Lord will give you strength and courage to right things with the heavenly Father by confessing your sins.  He waits with loving arms to take you into His precious embrace.  I pray that you feel the peace and the joy that comes with the freedom of a forgiving God Who is willing to erase all sin.

The Lord has called and you have answered that call. Now move ahead with purpose. – CatholicView Staff

 
“Should I rethink my decision on being
against birth control? - Alice      

CatholicView Staff:

Hello, I am against birth control.   It is personal choice.  I agree with the church stance on the matter.  But it is hard though having this stance in today world, also being so young.   Should I rethink my decision?  - Alice

 

Dear Alice:

CatholicView is proud that you agree with the Church on birth control.  Do not follow the current trend in order to engage in promiscuous sex.   Stick with your Christian ideals and follow what you already know is right. 

Do not you rethink your decision.  You are on the path the Lord has given.  God bless.   – CatholicView Staff   

 
“I disclosed information to my priest during
confession that I should not have. 
What should I do? ” - Cecile

CatholicView Staff:

I am very upset.    I disclosed a conversation I had with a friend in the confessional with my parish priest.   I’m afraid that I have committed a very grave sin and I cannot rest.   I am afraid to go to confession and tell Our Sainted Priest what I have done.   I feel so ashamed.  Please Pray for me.   Thank you for reading.  God Bless You.  – Cecile

 

Cecile:

I am trying to understand your letter.  It seems that you disclosed information to your priest that your girl friend apparently told you not to repeat.  Is this correct?   If this is the case, do not worry.  Priests cannot disclose what is said in the confessional.

Do not be ashamed. We will pray for you.  Be at peace. – CatholicView Staff

 
“Can I participate in the Anglican Rite parishes once
they are in full communion with the Church?
- George 

CatholicView Staff:

I am writing regarding ANGLICANORUM COETIBUS, the Pope's plan for an Anglican Rite within the Catholic Church.  I have read the document but I am not clear on a point.  I was infant baptized Episcopalian but later joined the Catholic Church because I felt the Episcopal Church had wandered too far from orthodoxy.   The truth is that I have never cared for Vatican II liturgy.  The Tridentine Rite is far more reverent but that doesn’t exist where I live.   To be honest, I prefer high church Anglican liturgy, really miss it, and want to join one of the Anglican ordinariates.  I was baptized an Episcopalian.  My baptism was accepted as valid when I joined the Catholic Church and I was never required to be re-baptized.   Now just what is my status?  Will I be allowed to join an ordinariate and receive communion in one of the Anglican Rite parishes once they get started?  I find the apostolic constitution unclear on this point.  Thanks. - George

 

Dear George:

If and when an Episcopalian parish seeks full communion with the Roman Catholic Church, then any Roman Catholic is able to receive communion and participate in that parish when they become part of the Catholic Church.   So, if you wish, you (and any Catholic) can be part of a Catholic parish using the Anglican traditions.  That is true of any Catholic rite in the Church:  any Catholic can fully participate in any other Rite that is united with Rome. – CatholicView Staff 
                           


“Prior to our marriage my husband masturbated. 
How can I trust him now?” - Samantha

Dear CatholicView:

I need to know how I can forgive my husband for regularly masturbating prior to our marriage! He promised me that he would stop, but he did NOT until after we were married. I do NOT know if I can ever trust him again! We have both been to confession, however I still worry that he will slip back into his old ways! - Samantha

 

Dear Samantha:

Do you believe that God forgives us for our sins?  I read your question and two things that you said came to mind:  You state that your husband masturbated prior to your marriage and that God forgave him through his confession.

If you love this man and God has forgiven him, why can’t you, as a Christian, forgive him too?   Marriage is built on trust.  If you have a good, loving, and stable marriage I would suggest that you pray and ask God to give you the peace to let go of this and move on, letting the past become the past.  The future waits.   God bless you.  – CatholicView Staff

 
“I used to tell my son no one will love him as his
mommy does.  Did I put a curse on him?” - Laura

CatholicView Staff:

When my son was 4 years old and having a terrible tantrum and being very nasty to me, I said " you should be nice to your mommy because no one will ever love you as much as your mother does". ( I know it was stupid to say) Now he is 26 and has had his heart broken so many times, and never found someone to love him. Could it be that I put some sort of a curse on him? - Laura

 

Laura:

Do not give more power to your statement than it deserves.  Mothers all have the tendency to say such statements and children seldom hold on to them.  

Talk to your son if it will make you feel better.  Encourage him and tell him he is worthy of the love we all seek.  We all have had broken hearts at times, but the key is to move on.   Let him know that he is worthy of love and one day he will find it.  Hope this helps. - CatholicView

 
“I don’t remember if I took too many medicinal drugs. 
Did I commit an ultimate sin?” - Jason

CatholicView Staff:

About a year ago, my marriage ended tragically. My wife cheated and used drugs and ended up putting me in the hospital. Anyway, about 3 months later (I don't remember this by the way) I took a large amount of medications that would normally have killed me for sure. My question is since I don't remember doing it or the act at all, would I have committed the ultimate sin against God? I am a firm believer but this is really stressing me. - Jason

 

Jason:

Thank you for your question.  Please remember that God reads the heart of us all.  If He knows the number of hairs on our head, He also knows whether this was an intentional act or not.

That main fact you did not state was whether the drugs you took were prescribed for you after you left the hospital. 

In the future avoid taking drugs unless the doctor prescribes them, making sure you do not exceed the recommended dose.

I suggest that you pray about this, knowing our Father in heaven is a loving and forgiving Father.  No matter what the state of your mind was at that time, He forgives.  Now go ahead and live your life knowing that He will, or has already forgiven you.  If you have not asked Him to forgive, do so and know that you will once more be in His grace.

Let go of the guilt.  Do not put yourself in this position again.  You are a child of the Most High.  Move forward in this knowledge.  – CatholicView Staff

 
“I am frustrated at how our pastor spends money. 
How can he justify this?” - Jean

CatholicView Staff:

I work as a secretary for the Catholic Church. I continually get frustrated at how our pastor spends money, especially on personal wishes i.e.: new hardwood floor for his office, hiring an "office designer" to decorate,
buying ONLY organic food...the pastor that was here before him was the same. How can they justify this? – Jean

 

Jean:

It is interesting how each pastor sees his role as a good steward of the people's money.  First and foremost, the maintenance of church buildings, staff, insurance (building, medical, clergy malpractice) and the costs of running the physical plant (property taxes on property not occupied by the church building, utilities) of the parish are a budgetary priority.  Then, the rest of the money can be spread out to the various ministries of the parish community.  If you have any concerns about how the money is spent, you have a right as a parishioner to ask the pastor for a copy of the parish financial report.   If you have any questions, it is best you ask the pastor himself.  Or if you cannot do that, then ask another parishioner to ask the financial questions for you.   You just see one part of the budget spending of the parish.  You may not know the whole story.  So, ask and don't sit in judgment until you find all the facts.   If you find, after all your investigation, that you still have questions about the stewardship of your pastor, and you find that the answers the pastor give does not satisfy your conscience, then please speak to your diocese's Vicar for Clergy or your bishop about this situation. - CatholicView Staff

 
“Can I attend another religious service outside
our Catholic faith?” - Shane

CatholicView Staff:

As Catholics are we allowed to attend another religious service outside of our Catholics Faith? - Shane

 

Dear Shane:

It is permissible to attend another religious service once in a while but not on a regular basis.  When you do happen to attend another religious service on a Sunday, you are still obligated to go to mass in your own church.  – CatholicView

 
“Is it permissible to marry my first cousin?”
- Victoria

CatholicView Staff:

In the eyes of God can I marry my first cousin? We are very much in love but our families are now very upset. - Victoria

 

Dear Victoria:

The Catholic Church has determined that marriage between first cousins is invalid.  However, it is possible for the diocesan bishop to relax this church law, that is, to grant a dispensation from the law under a particular circumstance.

I strongly suggest that you speak with your parish priest as soon as possible.  – CatholicView Staff

 
“My husband is uncommunicative and angry.   
Is my marriage abusive?” - Ann

CatholicView Staff:

Is my marriage abusive?  My husband is very angry a lot of the time, uses foul language very often, yells and is bitterly upset most of the time.  He has never hit me, or even called me names or belittled me, but he did recently put his foot through the wall in our kitchen when there was a cooking mishap.  I believe that the vow I've made to God, the Church, and my husband is sacred and unbreakable, but I don't want to be stupid and foolish and stay in a painful and unhappy marriage if that is not what the Church teaches.  He is uncommunicative and angry if I try to talk to him about it, and refuses to talk to a doctor or priest or go to counseling with me.  I've been feeling very sapped of any will to go on, and would like some advice from a Catholic view, since worldly advice is always, "leave him". - Ann

 

Ann:

Under the circumstances you have stated in your letter, it would be wise to sit down and discuss this very painful situation with your parish priest.  If necessary, go alone.  From what you have written, you are in danger, and these actions can only get worse.  Please consider what you are going through.  You do not state if you have children.  If you do, this is not a good example for your children.

Seek help from your parish priest.  Please do not delay.  The situation may escalate.  God does not want us to suffer in a situation such as yours.  May the Lord help you find a conclusion to your pain. – CatholicView Staff

 
“My nephew is a “fallen away” Catholic.  Is
it appropriate for him to do a reading at
my mother’s funeral?” - Marie

CatholicView Staff:

I am presently selecting readings for my mother's funeral. A nephew, who is fallen away from the church, has offered to do one of the readings. I feel God could possibly work through this young man, but would like to know the proper response to him.  The funeral is later this week.  I hope it is possible to hear from you soon. - Marie

 

Dear Marie: 

I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing, but she has entered into eternal life with Jesus our Lord.  She is free at last to be the person that God has made her to be!   Jesus Christ is risen from the dead, Alleluia!  And your mother lives forever, Alleluia!  As to your nephew volunteering his services as a reader at the funeral Mass, take up his offer immediately!  I agree with you:  this may be the door to his own spiritual maturity and reconciliation with the Church!  What a blessing this is for the family as a whole and the Church that waits with open arms for him to be back in the fold of believers.  You are in my prayers! – CatholicView Staff

 
“I have had trouble with the women I meet. 
How can I leave everything to God?”  - Jose

CatholicView Staff:

I have had trouble with the women I have met. For one reason or another things don't work out. I am tired of this. What can I do to leave everything in God's hands and have him help me meet the woman he has for me? - Jose

 

Jose:

I am sorry that you have had trouble meeting the right woman for you.  I suggest you pray continually about this.   God knows your need and He will help you.

A suggestion:   Become active in your Church so that you are visible to all.  There are so many ways to meet Catholic Christian women.  Become a Minister of the Eucharist, an usher, a lector, and many other needs of the Church.   May the Lord bless your search. – CatholicView Staff

 
“Could I become a Catholic even though
I am in an active state of sin?” - Ole

CatholicView Staff:

I'm baptized as a Protestant.  I married a woman in a civil union, no church.  She was not religious and she has never been baptized.  I loved her, but I had doubts about me being able to be faithful.  I was right.  I cheated on her; she kicked me out after 16 months.  We are friends today, divorced though.  She is in a new relationship (so am I).  I have been searching for years, and have started to believe that the Catholic Church might be right for me.  However, I understand that my behavior and actions probably makes me condemned and that although I can join the Church I can never receive confession since I live in a state of active sin.  I'm thinking about starting an annulment process, have contacted the Tribunal, but would like some input on whether you think my case is hopeless. - Ole

 

Ole:

It is only hopeless if you refuse to change your way of life.  Christ calls us to be faithful to Him, forsaking a sinful life, and dedicating yourself to God.  It means being an example to all.  If you cannot change, then there is no hope for you.  You will be subject to damnation.

If you are sincere, pray and ask your heavenly Father to strengthen and help you to avoid the pitfalls of sin.  Pray hard and regularly, especially when you are in the throes of making the wrong life decisions.  God loves you.  So much that He sent His Son to die not only for other Christians but also for you, Ole.

Are you willing to give up your sinful ways with God’s help?   Will you open your heart to Him?  If so, He will give you courage that is unbelievable.  He will send His angels to surround and keep you on His path.  Try it.  You can do it Ole.  We will pray for you.  – CatholicView Staff

 
“How do I forgive my wife who has had an
affair?” -  Carl

CatholicView Staff:

If a wife has had an affair and left the house and wants to come back do you forgive and how?  Would Marriage encounter help? – Carl

 

Dear Carl:

First, your wife has to want to come back and repair the marriage.  More importantly, do you want to save your marriage?  Can you forgive her? 

I would suggest you both go and talk to your parish priest and explain everything.  He will encourage you both to seek professional help.  He will also suggest that your wife go to confession for her adulterous behavior.

Your marriage can be saved but you will have to work hard at it.  See your priest immediately.  – CatholicView Staff

 
“I am afraid I may lose my business and my home. 
Will you pray for me?” - Giorgio

CatholicView Staff:

I need you to pray for me and to ask God to help me not to lose my business and home.  I pray every night for help.   I thought it might help me if someone else would pray for me.  Thank you so much- Giorgio

 

Giorgio:

CatholicView will pray for you.  And those who visit this page will surely offer a prayer for you.   May the Lord keep watch over you and your family always. – CatholicView Staff


“Is it disrespectful of my son-in-law to not wear
a head covering when entering a pious
Jewish home?” - Dave

CatholicView Staff:

Is it disrespectful of my son-in-law to not wear a skull cap or head covering when entering a pious Jewish home when requested?  He is Catholic and married my daughter and neither have converted one way or another. - Dave

 

Dear Dave:

Thank you for your question.  You are absolutely right that it is disrespectful.

Out of respect for the religious customs of Orthodox believers in God, CatholicView contends that your son-in-law must honor your home by abiding to your beliefs when he enters your home.  It is an honor that he would wish for you when entering, say, the Catholic Church. 

Perhaps your son-in-law does not realize his error.  Have your daughter speak privately to him, stressing that to wear a yarmulke does not in any way detract from his own Catholic beliefs. – CatholicView Staff

 
“My husband and I were married by a JP but wants
to return to the Church.  How can we do this?”
- Sean

CatholicView Staff:

As fallen away Catholics, my husband and I were married by a J.P. 3 years ago. We greatly desire to come back to the Church and its sacraments.  What are the next steps? - Sean

 

Hello Sean:

 

All that is required from you is to go see your priest about having your marriage blessed in the Church.   It is a simple matter to be re-instated.   He will tell you what is necessary to be re-united to your Church family.  Unless either of you have been married before this marriage, there will not be the process of annulments, etc. to hamper your return.

Please visit with your parish priest who will be glad to assist you.  – CatholicView Staff

 
“Do I need a dispensation to miss Sunday Mass for
my annual deer hunting trip?” - Gerald

CatholicView Staff:

I'm 62 years of age, and take my faith very seriously.  I make weekday Mass on average of three times a week, and make at least two one hour Eucharist visits a week. I consider myself informed in matters of faith.

Am I obligated to ask for a dispensation to miss Sunday Mass for my annual deerhunting trip?  I would be glad to share trip details with you before getting an answer, if you like. – Gerald

 

Dear Gerald:

It is wonderful to hear that you are faithful to your Church’s teachings.  If you cannot get to mass on the Sunday of your trip, give an hour that day to God by reading your bible and allotting time for prayer.

Be at peace.  God knows your faithfulness.   – CatholicView Staff

 
“I have a problem with masturbation.   Must I tell
the priest the details of this sin?”
- JoJo

Dear CatholicView Staff:

I have had struggles with masturbation. I try to go to confession often and I'm trying my best to follow God on his path so he can rid me of this evil act. During confession though, must I put details about my masturbation habits like for instance, my immoral and perverse thought?   Or can I  just simply state the sin? Also should the priest know if I’m married or not?  Many thanks and please forgive me if this question is awkward but it is important for me to know since I am very afraid of hell and being away from Jesus. - Jojo

 

Dear Jo Jo:

When you go to confession, you must state the sin.  Details such the thoughts that led you to this sin would be helpful to the priest.  Keep the reasons short and to the point.  If you are married and engage in masturbation, this may be cause for concern and so, you need to inform the priest about your marital status.  Hope this helps.  – CatholicView Staff

 
“I made a bargain to God not to smoke
but if I smoke will God punish me?” - Hannah

CatholicView Staff:

I promised God I would not smoke if I could have my baby at home not in the hospital.  I did have my baby at home as I refused to go to hospital but now I’m scared if I did ever smoke that God will punish me or not answer my prayers.  I’m not saying I’m going to but sometimes we are put in these situations. - Hannah

 

Dear Hannah:

Because you made a promise to God you should try keep that promise. 

We should never make promises to God for He does not want us to bargain with Him.  He gives freely without strings.

If through human weakness you cannot stop this habit, pray and ask God to forgive you for this promise.   And in the future refrain from bargaining with God.  And keep in mind that smoking is a despicable habit and can be harmful to yourself and to your precious child. -   CatholicView Staff

 
“How can I justify having a TV, Cable, a car, etc.,
when others are dying without basic needs?”
- Mark

CatholicView Staff:

I am a young North America father and husband. I was recently at a presentation from someone who works in Africa with impoverished children there and since seeing it, I've been overwhelmed with feelings of guilt. How can I justify having a TV, Cable, a car and going on vacations when others are dying without basic needs?

Yet, after saying that, we need money to pay a mortgage and bills, save for college for our daughter. Also, I have had a transplant and thus will not likely live to retirement and am not eligible for life insurance and so I don't want to leave my wife with heavy financial burdens.

We don't live a luxurious life by any means, but we certainly live comfortably (can afford to go out to dinner and take the occasional vacation). How do I know when I've given enough? I should add that we also volunteer with the Red Cross to feed seniors, and I work as an inspirational speaker and my wife as a teacher so I feel like we help people everyday in what we do.

My question is how do we know when we've done what we can/should and Jesus is happy with our efforts? My biggest concern is that I don't want to die and see Jesus and have him ask "why didn't you give more to feed my starving children? - Mark

 

Dear Mark:

CatholicView received a similar question last month so I am passing that answer, written by Father Bill, onto you with a few slight changes.

“Your specific question asks what the Bible and the Church have to say about enjoying life despite the tragedy all around us. I could be wrong, but I don’t think that the Bible or the Church can directly address this.   There is a lot about tragedy in the bible and a lot about joy, but tragedy most often seems to be related to sin and human failure, while joy seems to be related to living a life that is righteous, just, and pleasing to God.

Neither can I think of any official teachings of the Church that tell us how to find joy in life in spite of its many sorrows.  However, many of the saints have had their say in this regard.  I would suggest that you look into the life of St. Theresa of Avila.  Although she was a mystic and suffered many indignities, she was still verydown-to-earth and witty.  I think you would enjoy reading about her life.  An Internet search should lead you to plenty of books by and about this amazing saint and doctor of the Church.

I’m sure that you realize that even though we don’t all experience the weight of success, just about everyone has to live in the midst of tragedy.  Whether it’s the broad human tragedies like war, hunger, terrorism and poverty, or the more immediate tragedies like the illness or death of a loved one, we all live in a world that contains plenty of what Psalm 23 calls the “valley of darkness”.  Still, the overall tenor of Psalm 23 is one of a quiet kind of joy found in knowing that, even in the midst of life’s travails, “the Lord is my Shepherd”.  That psalm has helped many people on their walk through life.

I admire your empathy.  You obviously take upon yourself the pains of others.  Such empathy is both a gift and a burden.   It is a gift because you are a compassionate presence in the lives of others, but it is a burden in that such empathy casts a shadow over your joy.

We don’t know why bad things happen to good people, but they do. We don’t know why a young mother dies of breast cancer or a young father dies in a car accident coming home from work. It sucks…it really does, and we feel helpless and more than a little angry.   Personally, I don’t think that God does these things.  I think they just happen, and God weeps with us when they do…but that’s just me.  Others would disagree.  So much really comes down to our mortality and how we perceive that inevitable aspect of human life.  We will all die.  Is death really a tragedy?  Not, I suspect, if we have embraced life.

You can’t change the fact that others are suffering and you are not.  I wonder if I can be bold enough to tell you to embrace the life you have. It is a gift from God that holds great potential. Thank God every day for your blessings.  Pray the Morning Offering.   Pray the Serenity Prayer.  Pray the Lord’s Prayer…”thy will be done”…and leave what you can’t control in the hands of God.–Father Bill

Hope Father Bill’s answer helps a bit.–CatholicView Staff

 
“Does my son’s Godparents have to be both
male and female?” - Michael

CatholicView Staff:

Mike from Ireland here.  Does my son’s Godparents have to be both male and female or can he have two males, both his parents brothers.

Kind Regards.   Michael

 

Dear Michael:

Thanks for writing, Michael.  The Catholic Church says that one godparent is sufficient and not more than two are allowed.  If  you are having two godparents, then one should be male and one female.  The Godparents cannot be the parents of the child and they should be baptized and preferably confirmed. – CatholicView Staff

 
“My 46 year old daughter has her boyfriend sleeping
at my home.  Should I feel bad telling her
it was unacceptable?” - Judy

CatholicView Staff: 

My 46 year old daughter who resides with me is sleeping with a man and has invited him to sleep with her in my home.  I have told her this is not acceptable, she is moving out, and I feel I have lost her.  Did I do the right thing?  If so, why does it feel so wrong?  - Judy

 

Dear Judy:

As painful as it is, you did the right thing.  To have her there in your home, living in sin, means you have condoned her behavior.  It is a hard thing for any mother to do.  But one day she will realize the cost you had to pay in asking her to leave and she will hopefully learn from it.

May the Lord give you peace and strength during this troubled time.  – CatholicView Staff   

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