I am a student in my
20's and in the midst of
a moral argument with my
parents
who pay my rent. I have
two female who visit. I
live in an apartment
with
two other female
roommates. When I have
male friends they stay
on
my couch in my living
room. Is this morally
wrong? - Frankie
Father
Cervantes:
I am a student in my
early 20s and I am in
the midst of a moral
argument with my parents
(I do not live with them
but they do pay my
rent). I live in an
apartment in a major
city with two other
female roommates. When I
have male friends who
visit the city, I would
like for them to stay on
my couch in my living
room. My parents find
this inappropriate. I
would like to respect
them and their wishes,
but I am having a hard
time understanding the
logic behind why this
would be considered
inappropriate and
morally wrong. Would you
consider this morally
wrong? Thanks!
- Francesca
__________________________________________________
Frances:
I do know that your
parents want the best
for you, and they do pay
for your part of the
rent of the apartment.
You are blest beyond
your understanding. I
wish my parents paid for
my rent while I was in
college and graduate
studies. I had to pay
for everything. Your
parents have asked you
to not have men staying
in your apartment that
they are paying for,
and I would respect your
parents' advice and not
have anyone stay
overnight at the
apartment. On the face
of it, there seems to be
nothing morally wrong,
but one never knows what
will happen. There is
an Act of Contrition
(prayer said after a
confession of sin in the
Sacrament of
Penance) that has this
at the conclusion of the
prayer asking God for
the grace:
to avoid the near
occasions of sin. Men
staying overnight at
your apartment could
become a near occasion
of sin. On the other
hand, your parents
should also have more
trust in you. They gave
you the Christian values
that will be the source
of your future success
and happiness. They
should trust that you
would make the right
decisions. If you start
paying the rent, then
you can "call the shots"
within your apartment.
But your parents are
paying the rent and they
"call the shots."
Anything can go wrong
when there is a "near
occasion of sin." I
know that you will make
the right decision for
you and your roommates.
- Father Cervantes
My girlfriend and I are
in our late 60s and both
of our spouses have
past. We have sexual
relations regularl7y but
want to marry but it
would cost my girlfriend
her retirement money and
cost me as well.
We truly love each
other. What shall we
do?" - Daniel
Father Cervantes:
My girlfriend and I are
in our late 60s and both
of our spouses passed
away years ago. The two
of us have sexual
relations with each
other on a regular
basis. We would like to
get married to each
other but doing so would
cost my girl friend her
retirement money, (She
would lose both her
pensions) and cost me a
considerable amount.
What is the church's
stance on a problem such
as ours? We truly love
each other and enjoy
sexual relations with
each other. What are we
to do? Sincerely,
Daniel
___________________________________________________________________
Daniel:
You asked, "what are we
to do?" Here is a
simple answer: get
married. The Church's
teaching moral authority
doesn't see the loss of
retirement or pension
money as the issue. The
issue is to be pure and
honest before the Lord.
Trust in God and marry.
Otherwise, you are in
the state of adultery
and sin against the
sixth commandment. -
Father Cervantes
"I am seeking a divorce
after 23 years of
difficult marriage.
Adultery on
my
husband's side and
loneliness on my side.
Our daughters are
grown.
My husband is not
getting closer in
church. Does God ask
me to
continue in this
relationship of betrayal
and distrust? - Maria
Father Cervantes:
I am seeking a divorce
after 23 years of
marriage. It has been a
difficult marriage ,lack
of communication ,
adultery on my husband's
side and loneliness on
my side . Our daughters
are now grown and they
have discovered a new
extra martial
relationship on his side
. Through this coming
out I have discovered
they have know of his
infidelity for years.
My husband has been
getting closer to church
last 10 years , he is a
catechist. I am very
sad and confused because
of it. He now says he is
leaving the church
because it brings him
pain. It pains me to see
him in such pain and
turmoil but I can not
trust him. Does God ask
me to continue in this
relationship of betrayal
and distrust. It pains
me to see our daughters
in such distress. I
would like to walk away
in peace so will be able
to receive the host and
participate in church
activities after
divorce? - Maria
_____________________________________________________
Maria:
Yes, you can receive the
sacraments and be fully
involved in your parish
church. Divorce is NOT
the problem. Divorce
and REMARRIAGE outside
the Church is the
problem. I am sorry to
hear of your own
emotional pain and
betrayal. The fact that
your husband wants to
leave the Church shows
that his own conscience
is not right before the
Lord. Your husband
thinks erroneously that
leaving the Church will
make things all right
with the Lord. He is
far from the truth. He
is deceiving himself.
He is running away from
the truth of God's Law
and is running away from
taking personal
responsibility for his
own sinful and
adulterous decisions.
You can proceed with
your divorce, but is
there another way of
resolving these issues
of betrayal with your
husband? Either way,
you never lose your
sacramental relationship
with the Church. If you
should want to remarry
in the future, then this
could be an issue.
Meanwhile, be at peace
and do what you believe
to be the best for you
and your family. I ask
that the Spirit of God
guide you as you seek
resolution, healing, and
peace after being
in such a difficult
marriage. Trust in God
and you will be healed.
Go forward. I know you
will do what is best. I
just know it. -
Father Cervantes
"I am a Roman Rite
Catholic and would like
to ask questions about
the
Byzantine Rite of the
Catholic Church. Is
there a priest who could
answer some questions
about the Eastern Rites
and Liturgies?"
- Yorkie
Father
Francisco:
Thank you in advance for
receiving my question.
I am a Roman Rite
Catholic and would like
to ask questions about
the Byzantine Rite of
the Catholic Church. I
recently attended a
Divine Liturgy and found
it to be a very
beautiful yet confusing
experience. Perhaps one
of the priests who is
familiar with the
Eastern Rites and their
Liturgies could answer
my questions? Again,
thank you in advance.
Is there a good,
concise, easy to
understand a website or
book that you could
recommend that explains
the Liturgy of the
Byzantine Rite Catholic
Church? Thank you and
God Bless. - Yorkie
_____________________________________________________
Yorkie:
Participating in the
Divine Liturgy of the
Eastern Catholic Church
is an experience that
brings one's mind to the
higher realms! The
chanting, sounds,
smells, everything about
the Eastern Divine
Liturgy, takes in all
the senses of the human
body and touches the
soul. The Roman/Latin
rite Mass (Divine
Liturgy) is straight
forward and very clear
while the Eastern
Liturgy is mystical and
engaging in another way
of appealing to the
human need to be in the
presence of God and
heaven itself. I am
sure that you found the
Eastern rite Liturgy of
Saint John Chrysostum beautiful
and confusing because
the order of worship was
different from what you
know from the
Roman/Latin rite. But
the order of the Mass,
both Western and
Eastern, is similar.
You have the
introduction asking God
for mercy and
forgiveness, you have
the readings from
Scripture, you have the
Creed, the Offertory,
Eucharistic Prayer
and Consecration of the
Bread and Wine into the
Body and Blood of Christ
for Holy Communion, and
the ending blessing.
The Eastern liturgy adds
various litanies to its
order of worship that
the Roman/Latin rite
does not have. We Latins
did keep some of the
litanies in our liturgy
in a shortened form,
such as the LORD, HAVE
MERCY, the PRAYER OF THE
FAITHFUL, and the LAMB
OF GOD. The Eastern
liturgy elongates these
litanies and has a few
more than we do.
Otherwise, our order of
worship is very
similar. I hope I
made this clear. Here
is an interesting web
site of a Ukrainian rite
Catholic Church (Holy
Family Church) and its
simple description of
things Eastern! http://www.holyfamilyucc.com/about_us.html -
Father Francisco
"We bought a house with
a small apartment with
my in-laws 32 years ago.
We
have let friends and our
adult children live
there for minimal rent.
We
have
never reported this on
our income taxes and it
causes me a lot of
anxiety.
Should I make donations
to charities in lieu of
penance?" Dolly
Father:
I am in a predicament
with my husband. My
husband refuses to
report this income even
though I express my
feelings. I know I am
legally I responsible
should we get audited.
If am disagree with him
and tell him so, but
still file a joint tax
return, am I MORALLY
responsible? What, if
anything, can I do so I
don't feel so guilty and
anxious about this
situation? I am getting
panic attacks about it.
I have an anxiety
disorder for which I am
medication. My husband
refuses to budge and if
has been the source of
many fights. Thank you
for your advice. I was
thinking of making
monthly donations to
charities in lieu of
taxes as penance. -
Dolly
_____________________________________________________
Dolly:
You are extremely kind
to have your family and
some friends stay at the
apartment for minimal
rent. May the Lord
bless you for your
kindness and
generosity.
In filling in your tax
forms, I am sure that
there are deductions for
the costs involved with
the house that can be
deducted from your tax
responsibilities. Since
you are renting out your
apartment with minimal
rent, I am sure that the
rent can be considered
deductible expenses for
maintaining the house.
You need to talk to your
tax preparer/advisor
about this matter. I am
sure that you could keep
most of the money
acquired from minimal
rent for yourself since
it probably doesn't add
much to your annual
income. But the
deductions from house
maintenance and from
house mortgage payments
will help you keep all
the minimal rent for
yourself. I wish your
husband would reconsider
his position about
reporting this rent on
your tax forms and speak
with your tax advisor
about this issue.
Better to get
professional advice and
direction than trying to
figure this out on your
own. Please be at
peace. Your anxiety
over this issue is
making you fearful and
uneasy. God knows your
situation. Trust in Him
and His mercy and love
for you and your
family. If you wish,
you can make monthly
donations to your
favorite charities and
your parish church. But
please, be at peace.
Seek advice from a tax
professional and go
forward. You are
only morally responsible
for your own actions,
not your husband's.
So, if your husband says
to leave out the small
added income from the
times you rent out your
little apartment for
minimal rent, then
that's his decision and
he will have to answer
for it not you. Be at
peace. God loves you
and understands your
situation. Father
Cervantes
"I recently received a
beautiful crucifix
necklace from a
non-Catholic friend.
Is proper to wear it? I
do have a collection of
rosary brackets that I
wear
daily. I am conflicted
about the necklace. Is
is proper to wear it
with the
Jesus facing me?"
Debbie
Father Francisco:
My Catholic faith is
precious to me and I
recently received a
beautiful crucifix
necklace from a non
Catholic friend. Is
proper to wear it? I do
have a collection of
rosary brackets that I
wear daily. I am
conflicted about the
necklace. Is is proper
to wear it with the
Jesus facing me? I
would greatly appreciate
an answer. Thank you so
much. - Debbie
_____________________________________________________
Debbie:
You have received a
special gift from your
non-Catholic friend who
was only thinking of you
and your Catholic
faith. You are so blest
to have such sensitive
and caring friends! If
you wish to wear the
beautiful crucifix
necklace, then please do
so. You can wear the
necklace with the
"corpus" of Jesus either
facing your body or away
from it. Wear the
necklace as you please.
The crucifix necklace is
a special gift of
friendship and faith.
Wear it proudly no
matter who gave the
necklace to you.
- Father Cervantes
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